Life Lately #25

Why, hello there. I thought I’d give this thing a spin around the block and see how it goes or if I fall off again. 

Reading: The Last Murder at the End of the World by Stuart Turton. To be honest, I’ve had it on my Kindle as a library book for about a week now, and I’ve only read about a quarter of the first chapter. I’m in kind of a reading slump right now. I also have The Good People by Hannah Kent on deck, and I might just have to switch over to that. It will be my second reading of it, and I’m curious to see if I like it as much the second time as I did the first time. It’s one of those books that I *still* think about, and I read it way back in 2021.

Watching: The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch. Anyone else?? We blew through season 4 when we realized it was on Discovery+, and then signed up for a free trial of FrndlyTV to watch season 5, which is currently on tv. I’m about ready to cancel that and just pay for the last 5 episodes or so, though. FrndlyTV has commercials about every 10 minutes, lasting for 4-5 minutes, and they’re the same. dang. commercials. over. and. over. For every 35-40 minute episode, there’s literally about 15 minutes of commercials and it’s so obnoxious. But I digress. WHAT IS UNDER THE MESA!?

Listening to: A new-to-me podcast called Fitness Stuff [For Normal People]. It’s been downright intriguing, and my favorite episode so far is the one where they shred the latest notion that “cortisol” is to blame for all our weight, sleep and health issues. Episode #117, I believe.

Baking: Most recently, my own birthday cake. I didn’t make anything from scratch because I wasn’t about to spend even more time in the kitchen on my birthday, but thanks to Betty Crocker devil’s food cake mix and chocolate frosting, Smuckers hot fudge, Nabisco Oreos, and Private Selection Black Raspberry Cookies and Cream ice cream, I managed to come up with a decent ice cream cake for 1/3rd the price of a Coldstone cake. HBD to me! I’m 41 now, which is officially old enough that it isn’t fun to tell people my age anymore. 

Wishing: For this summer to be mild. Look, I grew up here in northwest Washington state, and we prayed for 75 degree days as kids. My mother wouldn’t even let us get out the kiddie pool unless it was at least 70 out, and we would wait and wait and wait and wait for that to happen. Now, it isn’t uncommon to see 85+ degrees in June, and I’m just not loving this hot cycle the Earth seems to be in the last couple decades or so. I don’t miss the trials and tribulations of constant rain and island life, but I do miss the fact that it rarely got above 65. 

Laughing at: Kilian, still. Imogen can be funny, too, but Kilian is 100% the unintentional comedian of the family. I realized that the last time I posted one of these, I was also laughing at funny things he said. He’s almost five now, and I know if he were headed to public school (he isn’t, we are still homeschooling) I’d be perpetually worried about phone calls to report that our little class clown is being disruptive again. 

Occupying our time with: As much outside time as we can, and as little screen time as we can. We had a very rainy/cool spring, which led to more television time than I prefer, and now that the weather is getting nicer, I’m kicking the kids outside and forbidding the tv remote from being touched. 

Planning: Next school year. I’ll have a kindergartener and a 2nd grader, which kinda blows my mind a little bit. I’m nervous about schooling two and giving both the time and attention they need and deserve, and wondering how moms of multiple children manage to actually educate all their children properly. I have a few ideas but prayers for all our sanity are welcome. 

Life Lately #24

Hiya, strangers!

Reading: Sasquatch: Legend Meets Science by Dr. Jeff Meldrum. He is a professor of anatomy and anthropology at Idaho State University, and he’s an expert on footprint morphology in primates. You may or may not know this about me, but I’m a HUGE Bigfoot nerd. I have been for years. At this point in my “research” (if you can call it that), I’m pretty much fully convinced that Sasquatch exists as a flesh and blood animal. So, I’ve watched quite a few documentaries where Dr. Meldrum makes an appearance, and now I’ve finally gotten around to reading his book. I’m only a couple chapters in, but it’s fascinating. 

Watching: I just finished Mare of Easttown, and now I’m an episode into The Undoing. We subscribed to HBO Max for a month, and I’m trying to take advantage of it. Side note: I didn’t realize Philly folks had a specific accent. I’ve heard it before, and just thought that person talked a little differently. Apparently it’s a whole thing, and apparently Kate Winslet is some sort of magician because she went back and forth between her Philadelphia accent and her British accent in between takes, while the rest of the cast kept the accent because they were worried they’d lose it during filming. 

Baking: Not exactly baking, but I’ve been making a lot of caramels lately. I’m trying to perfect them but I may have to give it up til fall, because the heat we are having combined with no air conditioning means they don’t set up correctly. On a related note, it is supposed to be 100/108/108 on Friday/Saturday/Sunday and WHAT THE HECK. Pacific Northwesterners do rain and snow. We do not do extreme heat. 

Wanting: Central A/C. *sob*

Drinking: Tazo Passion Tea Lemonades a’la Starbucks, but made at home for a fraction of the cost and calories. Get some Tazo iced passion tea bags and a jug of low cal/light lemonade and go to town. Trust me on this. 

Eating: PEACHES. I can’t get enough of them lately. Ive been having one for a mid-morning snack almost every day lately and I’m still not sick of them.

Making: Soooooo many DIY birthday party decorations. Imogen has requested a jungle-themed birthday party and even though it’s hard to be motivated to really go crazy for a party where exactly one person is invited (my mom), I know she’d be disappointed if I didn’t do something. So, who wants to come help me cut 20 Monstera leaves out of construction paper and blow up 150 balloons for a balloon garland? 

Mad at: The housing market. Holy crap, guys. A modest 3 bedroom, 2 bath fixer-upper should NOT even come close to costing a half a million dollars and yet, here we are.

Thankful for: The grace and ability to keep two kids alive for the last 4 and 2 years, respectively. 

Laughing at: Kilian and the way he pronounces certain words. “My turn” is “why turn”, every single time. It doesn’t matter how many times I make him say “my” correctly, the minute that word is combined with “turn”, it comes out “WHY TURN!!” I’ll be sad when he stops saying it incorrectly because it’s just so funny.

He also had a piece of cheese the other day, took it to the living room and ran it over with a toy tractor, then came running and told me “Tractor take it from me!” when I asked why the cheese was stuck to the tractor’s wheels. 

Life Lately #23

 Reading: Currently, I'm about 3/4ths of the way through American Predator. It's pretty fascinating but definitely not for the faint of heart. I'll definitely need something a bit more light-hearted when I'm done reading it! Unfortunately, I think next up is The Last Year of the War by Susan Meissner. I definitely didn't think this through.

Watching: Kid shows. Always kid shows. Also, the new season of Expedition X just started back up on Discovery+ and Isaiah and I love us some Josh Gates.

Baking: Krumkake! I got my krumkake iron! In a really unexpected way, actually. Recently, a coworker of Isaiah's asked if I could make him and his wife a chocolate pecan pie if they paid me. I said of course, and all I wanted reimbursement for was the few ingredients I'd need to buy that I don't normally just keep around the house on a regular basis (semi-sweet chocolate baking bars, pecans, and light corn syrup). Long story short, I made the pie, they paid me for the ingredients, and then asked Isaiah if they could get me an Amazon gift card or something as extra thanks for my time, or if there was something I'd been wanting. Isaiah told them I'd been wanting a krumkake iron and they definitely did not have to, but if they wanted to get me a $10 gift card or something to put toward it, they could. Then, one evening last week, Isaiah shows up home from work with a big box. They bought me the iron. The whole thing. To say I was shocked and a little bit embarrassed is an understatement. Thrilled, of course, too. Anyway, as a thank you, I made a whole bunch of chocolate-dipped krumkake over the weekend and sent a bunch of them to work with Isaiah to give back to the guy and his wife that bought me the iron. So that's the semi-short version of why I've been making krumkake. 

Wishing: That kids never got sick. It's just so sad, for all involved. Their sanity, my sanity...

Wanting: Nothing much at the moment, but as soon as I think of something you'd better believe I'm going to have Isaiah drop the hint to his coworker the next time I bake them something. KIDDING. I'M KIDDING.

Drinking: Iced matcha tea lattes!! I don't know why, but I recently had a huge hankering for matcha. I ordered some matcha powder on Amazon, and have been making myself a big iced matcha latte every day while the kids nap. I do 2 cups of unsweetened almond milk and 2 teaspoons of matcha powder in the blender, plus a bit of sugar-free vanilla syrup to sweeten it. Blend it up nice and frothy, pour over ice. I've been trying not to make myself three of these a day, but it's been hard. 

Eating: Nothing fun, that's for sure. I'm doing a certain diet (after falling off the proverbial wagon for the last...4 months?) and I won't talk about it here, but let's just say it rhymes with schmeto. 

Thankful for: The gorgeous weather we've been having lately!! It's slowly been getting warmer, to the point that this weekend is supposed to be almost 80 degrees. It's going to slowly cool off again, it isn't full-blown summer yet, but we've been spending part of our mornings and evenings outside in the backyard or at the park, and this weekend we're going to drag out the water table for the kids to play in. Summer is on its way!

Laughing at: This meme. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I simply don't care about your vaccine or how many months it's been since you hugged someone.

On Social Media, or the Lack Thereof

I deleted Instagram the other day. Well, I didn't delete it, but I deactivated my account and deleted the app from my phone. For anyone who has known me for a long time, this isn't a new phenomenon. I've been known to be very fairweather friend-ish with my social media accounts, and even this blog. I've probably deactivated/reactivated my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at least 3-4 times each. I've had at least five different blogs - with different titles - that I can think of off the top of my head, spanning a decade and a half. Generally, something will happen that frustrates me or otherwise annoys me, and I'll swear off any and all forms of internet social contact for a while. It's never been a thought-out, intentional act of defiance, more like...what am I even getting out of this, anyway? Meh. Bye.

My philosophy with social media is this: If it isn't benefitting you in some way, or otherwise enriching your life, then say goodbye to it. I deactivated/deleted Facebook (again) a while back for the same reason, and I haven't gone back. There were a few things that were helpful, like access to Marketplace for selling outgrown baby goods or a couple different groups I was in that were fun to peruse and contribute a comment to here or there, but overall, it was just a big source of stress.

Family members who don't care to actually have a relationship aside from occasionally "liking" a photo of my kids - or worse, intentionally ignoring them. Friend requests from people who weren't even really true acquaintances over a decade ago, just family members of classmates I never actually hung out with outside of required college functions. Mom groups full of photos of rashes and fights over things like organic vs. not or whose mother-in-law is the worst. Christian groups that are decidedly not very Christ-like, third-party-app-specific groups meant more for those who are drama-hungry than people actually seeking help for how to use the app, and so on and so forth. 

I wasn't getting anything out of it anymore. Anyone I care to stay in contact with, I already have their email addresses and phone numbers. I'll find another way to sell Kilian's outgrown infant car seat. 

Instagram started to feel the exact same way recently. I'm usually not the type of person to be insanely jealous of those who own homes and have money to remodel them (that'll be me again someday, just not today). I don't look at a perfectly curated photostream and compare my own life to filtered photos of just-cleaned gigantic living rooms and five acre perfectly mowed lawns and pristinely dressed children because I know that probably lasted about 4 minutes before the kids were fighting and someone spilled juice on themselves and mom lost her temper with the four-year-old and the dog barfed on the carpet for the third time that day. I am envious of, but not (too) discouraged by photos of women who bounced back to a size 4 after their fifth pregnancy. I don't begrudge married couples with kids who have an army of friends and family at their disposal so they can post monthly sans-children date-night photos - I'm envious and it makes me sometimes sad, but it doesn't anger me.

I don't have a terribly hard time keeping things in perspective, let's just say. I don't say that to brag about my emotional fortitude - just that my struggles are not anyone else's struggles, and theirs are not mine. And that's okay. There are other things about social media that do frustrate me, it's just in other ways than jealousy.

Also, people who are not actual, real-life friends likely don't refresh their feed three times a day hoping to see yet another photo of my children. People who don't know me don't care about my story feed where I'm baking another loaf of bread or posting another funny-probably-only-to-me meme. And, if I'm being completely and transparently honest...the same goes both ways. I love that my online acquaintances have kids, but I don't need to see three photos of them a day. I love that someone I met via blogging five years ago moved into a new house, but I never talk to them outside a photo "like" here or there and I have no personal investment in their renovation projects. It starts to feel like I'm spying on people and being spied upon, even though I know it's all completely voluntary. 

(Just to clarify, none of the above examples are referencing a single person in particular - they're just general examples of things that have crossed my mind. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.)

I don't tend to be an oversharer. I have struggles and things that upset me and family situations of my own, but I don't talk about them online. I may share via blog occasionally, but I feel like that's a better outlet than an easily misunderstood snippet via Instagram or Facebook. I'm already in regular outside contact with people I care about. I don't need multiple apps on my phone to help me check in with (or check up on) friends and acquaintances, and I especially don't need them to help me check up on people with whom I have absolutely no relationship.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating for deleting social media accounts simply so there's no accountability for keeping in touch with actual friends and family members. As I said, people with whom I have a true relationship, I have all their contact info and we regularly check in with each other. If social media isn't benefitting you, delete the social media - don't delete the people out of your life. That's not what I'm saying at all. This isn't about cutting out "toxic people" or however that phrase goes. 

Instead, it's about choosing to shift focus away from something that doesn't edify my mind or spirit, and instead focus more intently on things that do. More intentional time with my family. More time reading the Bible. More time building relationships with friends and family. More time reading books instead of scrolling through feeds. More time...blogging? (We'll see about that one.) It's just too easy to start checking social media apps hundreds of times a day, hoping for a distraction from the things of life that aren't so fun or interesting. 

So, for now, I've said goodbye to both Instagram and Facebook. I don't know if I'll be back this time or not. Maybe. Time will tell. But it won't be for a long while, at least. There are at least two or three times a day I almost grab my phone simply to check in with those two apps and then I remember they're no longer there.

It's actually been quite refreshing.

Life Lately #22

I swore when I started blogging again that I wasn't going to get into the rut of "Life Lately" posts again. But, here we are again. I just don't have anything terribly exciting (or tragic) to share, and this seems to be the easiest way to share a bunch of hodge-podge topics all at once without seeming too ridiculously disjointed. I don't have a picture for this post because all the photos I've taken recently have my childrens' faces in them, so enjoy this purely black and white Lately post.

Reading: I literally just finished Brave New World by Aldous Huxley last night. It was...weird. The beginning was interesting and bizarre because of the dystopian premise, the middle was a total slog to get through (I skimmed a lot) and the last chapter or two was kind of what I expected the rest of the book to be like, and it was better. I would probably recommend it just because it's been said to be the antithesis to Orwell's 1984, and I would agree with that assessment. I'll just warn you that it's not exactly an easy or enjoyable read. Winston (1984) is at least a somewhat sympathetic character. There just isn't one in Brave New World. I hated everyone. Maybe that's the point.

Watching: The new season of The Masked Singer on Hulu. It's enjoyable if you like listening to masked celebrities sing so you can try and guess who they are, based on a bunch of clues they give throughout the season. Just once, though, I want a complete stranger to be inside the costume when they take it off at elimination and reveal who they are. I just want to see the confusion on the judges' faces when they're like, "...and who are you???" 

Listening to: This Spotify playlist. It's maintained by Redeemer Bible Church in AZ (Costi Hinn's church, if you know who that is) and I really like it. Takes the work out of putting my own "God music" (Imogen's term for worship music) playlists together. If you can call it "work." 

Baking: These lemon rolls this weekend. Isaiah has a coworker who is retiring so they're having a retirement party. It gives me an excuse to bake and not have to eat. As a friend asked me recently, "Is baking your stress release?" Yes. One hundred percent, yes.

Wishing: That the internet at large would be a little more sensitive toward moms who stay at home with their kids with no help from family or friends and who haven't had a solo date with their husband in over two years. (Me. That mom is me.) I've honestly thought about writing a whole blog post on this topic before, but I can't think of a way to express myself that doesn't come across as angry and jealous. I mean, I might be a little jealous (working on it!) but I'm not angry. I'm just sad, and frustrated. I'll leave it at that for now, because one of these days I just might get angsty enough to write that post. It's not just everyone else's monthly date nights and childless weekend getaways that get to me, it's feeling alone in motherhood in general. And I know some people have it even worse than we do - though I don't see how it gets worse than literally never getting a solo date with your husband, ever - but I'm sure it's possible. 

Thankful: That Kilian is getting better all the time at communication. We still have our typical early-toddler struggles, like crying in the car because he's hungry and doesn't understand why he can't eat now, instead of five minutes from now when we get home, but it's getting better all the time. He's starting to put two words together fairly consistently, and it's so fun. "Mommy come" and "Sissy play" and things of that nature. Now, if only he would get better at eating. He is absolutely not the adventurous eater that his sister was, and still is. That girl will try just about anything once, and insists that she is "the only girl in the world who loves spicy food." Kilian won't even put something in his mouth if he doesn't already know that he likes it. Makes for some super fun family dinners. Not.

Laughing at: The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shrimp-Gate saga. If you haven't seen this, it is both completely disgusting and utterly hilarious. You just can't do any better than Jensen Karp, married to Danielle Fishel, finding shrimp tails in his cereal box (get it?). I'm dying to see what comes of this.

Life Lately #21

Reading: The Good People by Hannah Kent. I just finished her other novel, Burial Rites, and was completely riveted the entire time. It wasn't a happy story by any means. It was actually quite tragic (and loosely based on real events), but her writing style completely sucked me in. The Good People doesn't have quite as good of ratings on Goodreads, but as they say, I'll be the judge of that!

Watching: Nothing at the moment. Any recommendations? I adore true crime, but I haven't found anything worth delving into recently. I guess there are always old episodes of Homicide Hunter on Hulu...

Listening to: At this very moment, the audiobook of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I told you...it's mostly kid stuff around here. Later, sans kids, there's an Allie Stuckey podcast I've been meaning to listen to. But most of the day, if I try and listen to anything that isn't geared toward children, I get an indignant "I don't WANT to listen to this!!" from my lovely oldest child. I would force the issue and make her listen to a podcast with me, but she's 3 1/2. The incessant questions would just drive me insane. I can hear it now. "Mom, what's critical race theory?" She's already asked me recently how babies get out of tummies and I am for sure putting that off as long as possible. 

Baking: Norwegian sweet buns! Yesterday, I had a random urge to make something from Norway. I am 6% Norwegian, after all, and I felt like getting in touch with my roots (lol). Enter Google and a recipe for skolebrod, or skoleboller (literally "school bread"). They turned out pretty good! They're a lightly-spiced (cardamom) sweet bun with a vanilla custard center and a lemon glaze on top. I didn't have shredded coconut on hand and I'd make a few tweaks next time, but I'd definitely make these again. 

Missing: My macrame projects. I've been on about a two year hiatus thanks to moving, having a baby, and now not really having anywhere to do it. In our house in Alaska, Isaiah kinda jerry-rigged a way for me to make things hanging from hooks and a dowel in the doorway between our kitchen and living room. But since we are currently renting, we can't really do anything like that, and there isn't a good place for that in this house anyway. I have seen a ton of people use clothing racks but that means I'd have to buy one and I just don't want to spend money on that. My other problem is what to do with projects once I make them. I don't have a great place to sell them - Etsy is far too saturated these days. In Sitka, I was doing craft fairs, and that was a ton of fun. I noticed that there was a farmer's market/craft fair one town over from us last year, but they were only allowing vendors selling either food, or Covid-related items (handmade soaps, hand sanitizer, masks, etc). I have no clue what the situation is going to be this year. Besides, I'd have to figure out Washington state business license rules, tax laws, etc. and I just don't have the time or energy to do that right now. 

Laughing at: and also shocked and appalled at how quickly toddlers go from cute and loveable to sassy and snotty. I used to chuckle at the term "threenager" because, ha, three year olds are not thirteen year olds, how silly! But oh my goodness. Suddenly my lovely daughter has learned how to make a scoffing noise with her throat, roll her eyes, and say things like "leave me alone." I am not joking when I say she did not learn these things from me, and we are pretty careful about what we let her watch on television. Needless to say, if I got paid for the number of times I said "That is not kind, try again," in a day I could probably claim an income on next year's tax returns.

Wishing: That it didn't get so cold at night still! It's been getting up into the 50s during the day, which is amazing, but it's still right around freezing at night. It's not a big deal, it just means the ground stays wet pretty much 24/7 which is annoying when you have little kids that want to go outside and play in the sun, but you don't feel like dealing with the soggy mess 45 minutes later when they want to come back inside because they're "bored."

Wanting: A krumkake iron. I told you I'm getting into all things Norwegian! I'm even loosely attempting to learn the language. 

Life Lately #20

Reading: The Lovely War by Julie Berry. I'm about 1/3 done with it and so far I'm really liking it. It's from the POV of Greek gods and goddesses, which is...interesting? I don't hate it, can't say I looooove it, but it's different from anything I've read before and the actual main storyline has definitely sucked me in. I know WWI/WWII fiction is still super popular these days, but I'm a diehard fan and I'll probably never change. I will say that having a library card has kinda forced me to do more reading. It's that 3-week return deadline...it does wonders for making me actually finish books. Imagine that.

Watching: Expedition Bigfoot on the Discovery+ channel. We did a free 7-day trial, planned to binge both seasons over the course of a week, didn't quite make it, and now we've paid for the next month. I am completely obsessed with anything Sasquatch. Are you a believer?? 

Listening to: All the kid music. Occasionally we listen to "grown-up music" (as Imogen calls it) but mainly just in the car. I have a hard time letting them listen to anything with grown-up themes. It's a personal thing. So, in our house...it's "God music" (again, an Imogen term), classical, or kid music on the Echo Dot. All day, every day. The Rizers, Ellie Holcomb, the "Hymns" albums by Shane and Shane, Raffi, the Frozen 2 soundtrack (eyeroll), and so on.

Smelling: I am absolutely not a woo-woo essential oils person, but I have been diffusing my Tension Relief blend from Plant Therapy (best non-MLM brand I've ever used) a lot lately. Peppermint, eucalyptus, rosemary, spearmint, lavender, a few others...I've been having a lot of headaches lately and it's been somewhat helpful. 

Loving: That it's almost March, and March means spring, and spring means summer is on its way. I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. But I am so ready for after-dinner walks in the sun, a non-soggy backyard to play in, beach days, and for it not to take 20 minutes to get the kids ready to go anywhere because layers are a must. 

Happy: That the indoor playground I mentioned previously is finally open again!! They've been shut down for the last year, and if I had a dollar for every time Imogen asked to go back, I could probably buy the place. We were finally able to surprise her with a trip there last Saturday, and she was so happy. Actually, her first statement when she realized where we were was, "It's the place where Blippi went!!" (Funtastic Playtorium, if any of you have seen that episode.) It was extra fun this time, too, because Kilian was able to run around and play and didn't just sleep in the stroller the majority of the time. It's not exactly a cheap place to take the kids, but it's nice to have the option on rainy weekends. Now, I just need the local McDonald's Playspace to open back up so we have a free option. 

Wanting: A compost bin. Is that weird? Occasionally I look at all the produce waste we throw in the trash and I think to myself, "That could be some great dirt for my plants if I only had a way to compost it..." I found this fairly small, compact, rotating one on Amazon and I asked for it for Christmas, but apparently nobody in my family thought that made a fun gift. I can't blame them. Merry Christmas, here's somewhere new to throw your banana peels and apple cores. 

Laughing at: THIS. I cried, I was laughing so hard. You cannot even tell me that if Trump said even half of what Biden says about black people, he wouldn't be excoriated in the media.

Snow and Library Cards and Kids Who Grow Up Way Too Fast

When did blogs start needing to have a "theme" or specific topic for each post? It's something that just occurred to me. I can understand if you have a topical blog in general (mommy blogs, cooking blogs, etc) but for a personal blog? I find myself getting hung up on the idea that each post I write needs to be about one thing in particular, otherwise it's no good. But, quite honestly, some of my favorite posts to read from others are the ones that are completely random and about more than one thing. I feel like I'm actually getting to know the writer that way! 

We registered Imogen for preschool yesterday. HOLD ME. It's still 6 months off, but I feel like I'm sending her to college this very weekend or something. How on earth do we have a daughter pushing four years old? FOUR. It feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago. She won't be four until July, but she acts fourteen, so I have no idea what to expect this fall. She is smart and silly and clever and the best big sister Kilian could have, and I can't wait to watch her blossom in a class of peers. If you'd asked me a year or two ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of preschool. Kids don't need to go to preschool, after all. She can learn just as much by playing with her brother and following our house rules and doing pre-K aged workbooks with me here at home. But then 2020 happened, and all my grandiose ideas of a ballet or gymnastics class or mom-and-me-playdates shriveled to dust, and preschool started sounding like not too bad of an idea. The girl needs some little friends in her life and I'm hoping she'll have those in spades starting in September. 

I am nervous, though. I'm nervous she'll be scared. I'm worried for the day she comes home with hurt feelings because another kid was mean to her. I'm nervous that the next four years will go as fast as the last four and she'll suddenly be in 3rd grade and then high school and then college and okay, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

It'll be good for her. Deep breaths. We have chosen not to tell her about it until after her birthday, though. One day she's excited about the idea of school "someday", and the next day she's in tears because she doesn't want to go to school and she doesn't want a teacher and she doesn't want friends and she just wants "to stay home with youuuuuuuu!" We figured there's no sense in making her worry all summer long, and hopefully, by the time her birthday rolls around, she'll be more accepting of the idea. It'll still give us two months or so to prep her. If anyone has any great suggestions for age-appropriate books to introduce the idea of school (and how fun it is!) to a 3.5 year old, I'm all ears.

Speaking of books, I finally got a library card! I don't know why I went years without one, considering they're free and all, but now that the kids are getting a little older and we're running out of bookshelf space, it was time. Also, I can download Kindle books from the library which has been amazing. Our local library is still closed (eyeroll), but the minute it reopens I want to take the kids there. The last time we were in a library was in Sitka. Imogen wasn't even 2 years old yet, and she cared exactly zero percent about the books and only wanted to play with the giant floor puzzles and blocks in the kids' area. I'm excited to let her pick out a few books to bring home and read. Someday soon, I hope.

It snowed here this last weekend, so the kids finally got to go outside and build a snowman. According to Imogen, the snow is "beauuuuuuutifulllllll!!!" It lasted for a couple days, just long enough for our garbage service to decide our neighborhood was too treacherous (despite almost no snow on the roads by Monday morning) to pick up our trash and recycling, and it's almost all gone now. I'm not complaining. The preschool registrar said, "You moved from Alaska and then it snowed for you!" and I had to resist the urge to be like "Yeah...talk to me when the snow is 2 feet deep and lasts for two months and you live on a hill where the ice basically doesn't melt all winter long and oh, by the way, garbage trucks and school buses still run and if you call into work and say you can't make it because of snow you'll be endlessly mocked..." But I didn't. I just chuckled and said, "Yep, it's pretty great!" I think she missed the part where I said we moved a year and a half ago, too, because this is not the first snow we've seen here. 

Have any of you with small kids seen the Netflix show Trash Truck? It is so cute. It's low-key and adorable and wholesome and just a delight. I don't mind high-energy, crazy shows on occasion because the kids like them, but I'm so thankful that they've both latched onto a show that doesn't have psychedelic colors flashing constantly and cartoon animals screaming and constant ear-splitting background music. Trash Truck is about a little boy named Hank, his best friends Miss Mona the mouse, Walter the bear, and Donnie the raccoon, and of course - Trash Truck himself. His sister Olive and his parents (a mom and dad!) make occasional appearances, as does his grandpa. I just cannot say enough good things about it. Check it out if you haven't already! Just be prepared to watch the same 10 (?) episodes over and over and over and over. Crossing all my fingers for a season 2 sooner rather than later.

I'm definitely adding "Survived the Pandemic of 2020-?? as a SAHM" to my future resume.

You guys, sooooooo many people have messaged me, emailed me, texted me, carrier pigeon-ed me, telegrammed me, and Tweeted me asking for my take on stay-at-home-mom life in the midst of a global pandemic! Who would I be if I didn't oblige? Not any decent kind of blogger-influencer, that's for sure.

The first thing that comes to mind is that not much has changed because I was already used to staying home all day, every day with two children. But if I really think about it, things have actually changed.

I used to dream of the day Kilian dropped down to at least two naps, and especially one nap, so both kids would be awake longer and we could get out and do more things during the day. Well, that day came and went, and guess what? 

Indoor playgrounds are closed.

The zoo was closed for the majority of last summer. It's open now, but timed/limited entry only. And it's winter.

Restaurants just last week opened indoor seating back up, but only at 25% capacity. So much for going to the McDonald's or Chick-fil-a play spaces on rainy days.

Even the kids' play space at the nearest mall is roped off  (and don't get me started on the take-out only food court, because I know I always go to the mall to get take-out food...).

Outdoor parks are open, but it's the cold+rainy season.

Last spring, I had grand thoughts of perhaps putting Imogen in a gymnastics or ballet class in the fall. I had daydreams of meeting other moms with kids of similar ages, and perhaps striking up a few friendships here or there, maybe even attending a few - gasp - playdates? 

None of that happened. In-person everything is, was, has been shut down basically since this whole thing started. 

15 days to flatten the curve though, or something.

I don't mean to complain, but it's been tough. Most people who work are back at their jobs, albeit with precautions in place. Adult interaction! Leaving the house with somewhere to go other than walk around Walmart or Fred Meyer for the hundredth time! But where does that leave stay-at-home-moms in states that are still locked down? Well, we are...still locked down. We live and sleep where we work and our co-workers aren't much help around the house, nor do they provide many opportunities for stimulating conversation. At least we don't have to wear masks at home, I suppose.

To clarify, at no point in reading this do I want anyone to think I want to be anything BUT a stay-at-home mom. I truly feel for moms who wish they could stay home instead of work, and I simultaneously cannot fully relate to moms who have absolutely no desire to stay home with their kids. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I just imagined that it would look a little different at times. 

It's a struggle a lot of us deal with most of the time, but it's definitely been exacerbated by the events of the past year. I think sometimes people have this view of moms who stay home that isn't exactly based in reality. Many gifted writers have come before me and fully explained the emotional and spiritual trials of a life spent keeping a house and raising children, so I won't rehash it here. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. But the loneliness is real, and even more so when your "community" is nonexistent, whether by choice or by force.

I do have a lot to be thankful for, though. We are blessed to be able to survive (in the Seattle area, no less) on one salary. Everyone is and has been completely healthy. The kids are growing like weeds, and Imogen starts preschool in the fall (sob). We have a roof over our heads and food in the refrigerator. 

I also realize that some moms have/had it harder than I do. Admittedly, I occasionally have to swallow the urge to roll my eyes at moms who are used to working and suddenly have to - gasp - deal with their own children all day, every day, but I know that's unkind. My reality is not everyone else's reality, and I think comparison is never helpful. It can provide some perspective, but it doesn't tell you everything about a person or their struggles. I truly don't know how I would handle it if I had a full time job and school-aged kids and I suddenly had to figure out how to both homeschool and keep up my work-related duties. All the coffee and chocolate and hugs to those moms.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this post anymore. Maybe I just want other moms to know they're not alone? I know that, despite my desire for in-person friendships, I am beyond grateful for a couple of long-distance mom friends who help keep me sane via copious amounts of text messages, basically every single day.  

As far as survival goes, aside from the aforementioned long-distance friends, I've been spending a lot of time reading blogs and posts and books from other moms who "get it". They understand the often-crushing loneliness, the monotony even in the midst of barely getting a moment to yourself, the emotional dichotomy of wishing you could be anywhere other than at home while knowing deep down that there's nothing anyone could offer to make you leave.

So, I guess if I (the non-expert that I am) were to offer one piece of advice, that's it. Find others who understand your situation, whatever that may be. If they're offering advice from a Biblical perspective, even better. Because Jesus understands more than anyone else ever will.

And may this all be over sooner rather than later.

P.S. I'm realizing that I do better, longer, as a blogger if I stick to just rambling when I feel like rambling. I used to ramble, feel self-conscious, delete it all, and then do a "Currently" post to fill the void. I still love those types of posts and I fully intend on doing them occasionally, but I also want to write my real thoughts and feelings without feeling terribly awkward. If that's not your cup of tea, I do apologize. If you keep reading, I do apologize. Just kidding. But thanks for sticking around. 

God's Not Dead, and Neither Am I

Wow. Just WOW, guys. Technically, it's only been about two and a half years since I last wrote in this blog, but man, it feels more like two and a half decades. I can't believe my last post was spent writing about things like transitioning Imogen to one nap (Spoiler: We did it at 13.5 months and it went as smoothly as I could have hoped!) and the cost of gym memberships in Sitka. 

It's been a long time, and a LOT has happened since July of 2018. It's kind of funny, I was looking over one of my old posts and I had written about how it felt like July was the month where something exciting always happened. In July of 2016, we traveled to Iceland. July 2017, we had Imogen. July 2018, we took an amazing and memorable trip to Mt. Rainier. 

July 2019...we moved back to Washington. I guess we broke the streak last year, though, because nothing terribly exciting happened in July 2020 except Imogen turned 13 (ahem, THREE). Maybe we'll make up for it this year.

Have I told you yet that we moved back to Washington? HOO-BOY, that was an adventure and a half. I could write for days about that situation, but long story short, we left Alaska the weekend after Imogen's 2nd birthday, ended up not getting any of our belongings from the moving company delivered until A MONTH later, so the one week we were supposed to stay with my mom turned into four, we finally moved into our rental on August 8th, I went into labor on August 9th, and August 11th we had another baby. 

Oh yeah, did I mention we moved when I was 35 weeks pregnant with our son? 

So, now we live in Washington, we have 3 1/2 year old Imogen and 1 1/2 year old Kilian, Isaiah is working for the county, I'm killing it (lolz) doing my CEO of Domestic Affairs gig (aka SAHM), and aside from the now year-long, never-ending "pandemic" and some other hiccups here and there, life has been fairly peachy! 

Who knows how long I'll keep this up this time around, but now that the kids are slightly more independent and I have a little bit more free time (like, at naptime) I thought maybe I'd try my hand at blogging again. I feel like I'm reconnecting with an estranged friend - excited, but slightly apprehensive; a little giddy, but also wondering if this will be for the long haul or if we'll both make tentative plans to hang out but never actually find the time, and the next thing you know it's been another few years and we're basically strangers again. 

In the meantime, tell me what I should write about next! The move to Washington? Surprise, we have another kid now? All about life with two toddlers and how one of them is *sob* going to preschool this fall? Secrets of not losing your mind as a stay at home mom? None of the above?

If you're new here, welcome to probably one of the most boring, random blogs you'll ever read. It's nice to meet you. If you've been here before, welcome back to probably one of the most boring, random blogs you'll ever read. I missed you.

Life Lately #19

Reading: Still working on Spaceman and the Babylon Bee book. Clearly I have been in a huge reading mood lately. Hahahahahahahahaaaa. I don't know how people do it, those who read like 5 books a week. I used to be able to do that. When I was a teenager and Netflix wasn't a thing and, like, I didn't have a baby. Toddler. Whatever. She isn't walking yet so until then, she's a baby in my mind.

Watching: Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's completely stupid, but in a good way. Along the same vein as The Office (though nothing will ever truly measure up to that show, RIP), 30 Rock, and Parks and Rec. It took me a good 5-10 episodes to really get into the show, but now I'm hooked. Those who watch, who's your favorite character? Mine is a tie between Captain Holt and Gina.

Listening to: Lots of toddler-friendly music. The Happy Song by Imogen Heap, lots of Elizabeth Mitchell and Raffi, and lots of Disney soundtracks. Beauty and the Beast 4 Ever.

Wearing: Pajamas, because I just put Imogen to bed, took a shower, put some purple dye in my hair to test it out, and now I'm sitting on my own bed typing this blog post out.

Smelling: The aforementioned hair dye. Lovely smell.

Eating: Nothing, but I could go for some chocolate ice cream right about now. Have you ever tried Halo Top? It's hit or miss with the flavors, but if you handed me a bowl of their plain chocolate and told me it was Tillamook, I'd believe you.

Loving: This workout shirt from Old Navy. It fits well and it's cute. And on sale! I have the olive and I'm tempted to snag the white and black as well.

Not Loving: Being back in Sitka. Granted, the temperatures are hovering right around 60 and it's been sunny and looks like it'll stay that way for the next week or two (hallelujah), but nothing compares to the 80 degrees that Seattle has been seeing lately. All you summer haters can bite me! Fall is great and all, but just once I'd like to go outside for more than a day or two without a jacket. I wore sandals every single day while on vacation, and I haven't been so happy in a long time. Sadly, those sandals will now probably see nothing but the back of my closet until next summer.

Annoyed with: The cost of groceries in Sitka. I will never stop harping on this topic, and I apologize. The other day I bought the following: One bag of Kirkland Signature frozen hamburger patties. One bunch of asparagus. Two packages of mashed cauliflower. One container of baby cereal. One container of black pepper. One bottle of red wine vinegar. One head of cabbage. One small box of baby spinach. One small container of blueberries. Two packages of kielbasa. Two packages of lunch meat. One large package of sliced cheddar cheese, and one bag of shredded cheddar. 

I bought zero treats. Zero junk food. Zero anything we don't need to, you know, eat and survive. Half of what I bought was either on sale or the generic brand, as long as it was cheaper. I spent just over $140. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS. I about lost my you-know-what in the checkout line.

Thinking: That we might try and transition Imogen to one nap soon. We had a horrible, horrible month and a half of her fighting naps, fighting bedtime, and waking up early, all at the same time. I started stretching out her naps and cutting them shorter, but nothing was working. Just in this last week or so, she's started to go back to normal - she's never been a 12 hour sleeper (how I wish!), and on a good day we'll get 10.5-11 hours out of her at night. Her naps hover right around 1 hour each. At this rate, we've stretched out her awake time as much as we possibly can, and I'm not willing to cap her naps any shorter because she's a cranky monster if I do that. The next step, I know, is switching to one nap, but that means keeping her awake from 7am (or earlier, usually) all the way until 12 or 1:00 in the afternoon. Usually she's tired by 10:30-11am. Good luck to us. I'm PRAYING she starts taking 2.5-3 hour naps like I've heard some kids do, once we switch. Two 1-hour breaks during the day is nice and all, but I would love a little bit longer of a break. These days it feels like once I do a chore or two, by the time I sit down it's time to wake her up again. I've read that the average age to switch to 1 nap is somewhere around 15 months. Did anyone else's kids switch around 13 months instead? Tell me your stories!!

Wanting: A gym membership. We have a treadmill, but we also have zero closet space and no garage, so half the time our treadmill is buried in stuff - usually the supplies for whatever house project we have going on at the time. We have some dumbbells and a kettlebell and I have yoga mats, but I am having a really hard time getting motivated to work out at home when I only have two 1-hour chunks of alone time during the day to do so. I really would like to be able to get out of the house and go work out when Isaiah's off work, but a gym membership here (there's only one) is SIXTY DOLLARS a month. And it's not even a super nice gym. They have like, three treadmills, a few bikes and ellipticals, and a few stationary weight machines. When I lived in Seattle post-college, I paid $35 a month to go to a two story gym with a TON of equipment. As usual, everything in Sitka is inflated beyond what's even reasonable.

Laughing at: This dude on America's Got Talent. I don't know why it made us laugh so hard, but it did. TELE-KIN-EZISSSS. (Sidenote: Mel B drives me insane. I don't know if she's actually dumb or just plays dumb, but she's always irritating.)

Contemplating: Quitting blogging. I know, I know...I do this at least once a year. Sometimes I actually leave, and inevitably come back to it. But lately, I just really haven't been feeling it. Often I'll sit down to write a blog post, type out a sentence or two, think to myself "screw it, I'm bored" and delete the draft. I'm much more drawn to Instagram these days - I love that I have a smaller following of people I actually personally know, whether through blogging or elsewhere, so I don't have to censor myself as much. Everyone who follows my blog follows me on Instagram, and lately I feel like my content has been redundant. Do I really need to blog about things like vacation or taking Imogen to the park or baking something new at the same time I'm posting pictures of the things we're doing?

I'm so vain, I probably think this blog is about me...

Raise your hand if you remember the Sunshine Award!! We're throwing it back to old school blogging today with a questionnaire from the lovely Callie at Through Clouded Glass. I never thought I'd see this award resurface - thanks, Callie!

1. What is a favorite childhood memory?
At least once every summer, my parents and sister and I would drive 6 hours from where we lived in Washington to spend a week or two in Bend, Oregon at my grandparents' house. They had an irrigation ditch that ran through their backyard, and more often than not, there would be a duck family living in the area, complete with little ducklings. My sister and I would spend hot days swimming in the ditch, digging up handfuls of mud and smearing it all over ourselves and declaring we were at a spa getting "mud mask treatments." My grandparents also had old bicycles and wooden stilts, and we would spend hours riding bikes around their cul-de-sac or practicing our stilt walking. One time, we were sword fighting with some sticks we found, and my sister accidentally hit me in the arm hard enough to give me a small cut. To this day, I have a small scar on my arm from that cut. I don't know how, since it barely even bled and certainly didn't need stitches, but nevertheless, it's a reminder of fun times in my childhood.

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
This is a tough question, because I haven't been a lot of places in the world. At the moment, if someone offered me the chance to move anywhere, I would move back to Washington. If Washington was not an option and I had to choose somewhere more exotic, I guess I would choose Iceland (mostly because besides there, I've only been to Canada and Mexico). Barring my opposition to their political views, it's a gorgeous country with a really neat culture. The only thing not my favorite is that they don't get hot summers.

3. What was the last book you read?
I'm in the middle of two books at the moment - Spaceman by Mike Massimino, and How to Be a Perfect Christian by the Babylon Bee.

4. When you have spare time, what do you do with it (besides blogging, of course)?
I usually either bake something, macrame something, or play with Imogen. I never have baby-free time other than when she's napping, so all of these things are things I can do while keeping an eye on her.

5. With whom is your longest friendship?
I'm actually still friends with a girl named Katie that I met in 5th grade. She and my sister took harp lessons from the same teacher, so that's how we met. We aren't super close these days, though she was one of my best friends in junior high and high school, but we still keep in touch and stay mostly up to date on each other's lives.

6. Favorite summer beverage?
For sure iced coffee. Give me a giant glass with a packet of Stevia, a tablespoon of heavy whipping cream, the strongest cold brew you have, and a ton of ice and I'll be happy. Sometimes I'll throw in a splash of vanilla extract if I'm feeling extra.

7. If you had the opportunity to attend your own funeral, what would you hope to hear people say about you?
I hope people would say I was a good and Godly mother, wife and friend.

8. All you ladies are married - how did you meet your spouse?
I went to college in Oklahoma with a girl from Alaska, who was married to a guy originally from Oklahoma, and the two of them happened to be best friends with Isaiah (who still lived in Sitka). After college, I was living back in Washington, and my friend - who had moved back to Sitka -decided to play matchmaker. She kept trying to get me to send Isaiah a message on Myspace (LOL) and I distinctly remember telling her that if she could get him to send me a message first, then I would send him a friend request. He actually did, on March 20th, 2009. We spent many days messaging each other, which turned into Skyping and phone calls, which turned into me moving to Alaska in May of 2009. On March 20th, 2010, exactly a year after our first internet chat, we were married.

9. Finish the sentence: "In high school I could have been voted most likely to..."
Immediately forget all about high school the minute I walked off the stage at graduation. (Fun fact: I hated high school with a fiery, burning passion.)

This is how 17 year old Angi felt about high school.

10. Tell us something we don't already know and wouldn't think to ask you.
I was a waitress for 3 1/2 years during junior high and high school, and 4 1/2 years right before, during, and after college. For those keeping track, that's a grand total of 8 years of waitressing. In junior high/high school, I worked at an upper class retirement center, in their main dining room. In college, I was a server at Chili's in Oklahoma. Right after moving back to Washington after school, I worked at a restaurant called Claim Jumper (it was the worst waitressing job I've ever had and I quit after a month). To this day, despite being 12 years removed from working in restaurants, I still have a hard time not being super judgmental of restaurants, servers, and food that doesn't live up to basic standards. I've about lost my mind several times in this one particular restaurant in Sitka that doesn't bring silverware when they bring our water, because I'm so sick to death of getting my food and having to ask for a dang fork to eat it with. I'm obsessed with any show featuring Gordon Ramsay screaming at some poor restaurant owner who doesn't think it's a big deal to put raw chicken on a shelf above cooked chicken in a refrigerator, and I think Isaiah's about sick of hearing me say "If I owned this place..."

I nominate ALL OF YOU.

These Are My Confessions #4

Hello from Packwood, Washington! Imogen is napping, and Isaiah and I are sitting on the back deck of the cabin we're renting, typing away on our respective computers while listening to the rush of the creek a mere 20 feet away.  It's approximately 75 degrees out at 10:00am, not a cloud in the sky, and I'm drinking an iced coffee and wearing short sleeves. And not freezing to death. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Anywho, I didn't really want to write out another Life Lately post yet because I feel like I just did one, but I didn't really have any other topics to write about that would take an entire blog post, so confessions it is.

+ I feel like I live in the stone ages when I don't have cell phone reception. I know this is totally a first world problem, but we do live in a first world country, and you would think we would at least have roaming out here. Nope. This area only uses Verizon and US Cellular, and apparently AT&T contracts with neither of those. So, unless we're on the (very spotty) WiFi at this cabin, our phones are basically bricks. I was able to download offline Google maps so we can at least find our way to the hikes we're going to do, but other than that...SOL. It's a bit frustrating, and even my computer has been dropping the WiFi about every 3-4 minutes. We'll see if I can even publish this today...

+ I love my daughter. I love her to pieces. I wouldn't go back to pre-Imogen life if you offered me all the treasure in the world. But sometimes - SOMETIMES - I get a little frustrated that we're still dealing with a two-nap schedule, and even though she's generally a really flexible and easygoing baby (toddler?), there are things we can't really do that we could do before that I really want to do. Did that sentence make sense? For instance, there are a lot of hikes in the area that are like 8-10 miles long. Pre-baby, we would have gotten up early, left in the morning, hiked all day long and not cared how long a 10 mile hike would take us. Post-baby, we have to consider...how long will this hike take us? Can we squeeze it in between two naps? Will she nap in the car or the backpack (probably not)? Will she be okay if she just skips her afternoon nap and goes to bed early (probably, but we can't do that very often or she gets overtired)? It's just a lot to think about and even though she is TOTALLY WORTH IT, sometimes I do kind of miss the carefree schedule we used to have when we went on vacations. Even once she's on one nap, it's still going to be a little complicated, because her nap will be smack in the middle of the afternoon and she CAN'T miss that nap if we're out and about doing stuff, since it will be her only nap.

+ Imogen's first birthday party turned out so well, despite the fact that we were supposed to have 15 people and ended up with seven. All the food and decorations turned out perfectly and she looked so cute in her little birthday dress...I posted a few photos on Instagram, but is it terrible that I have zero desire to write an entire blog post about her birthday party?

+ I still hate Disqus. The end.

That's really all I've got...I'm on vacation, we just spotted a coyote making his way down the riverbank, it's nearing 80 degrees now, and I'm going to go put on some shorts.

I have thoughts #7

+ Imogen's first birthday is in four days. FOUR DAYS. She has the best personality, and I can't wait to see what that personality looks like as she gets even bigger (not that I'm wishing time along or anything!). She's sweet and silly and loves to make us laugh. She will grunt and squeal at strangers until they have no choice but to look in her direction so she can give them a big toothy grin and wave at them. She will try a few bites of almost any food we give her, but isn't a very big eater and makes me a little worried about what will happen when we start swapping out formula for milk soon. She has been a decent sleeper for the last couple of months, but in the last few weeks, her sleep has gone to absolute crap and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to fix it. Despite only getting about 9 hours of sleep at night and 2 hours of naps during the day, she's still the happiest baby and is rarely cranky.

She has 8 teeth and reddish blonde hair (just like Isaiah's mom and my grandma) and we joke that the reason she's obsessed with blueberries is because she needs to eat a lot of them in order to keep her eyes the color that they are. She isn't walking on her own yet, but she's getting braver by the day and is finally willing to use her walker to go back and forth in the kitchen without sitting down after only a couple of steps because it makes her too nervous. She loves to climb the stairs (praise God for baby gates) and chase the cat and she can even point out the kitties and doggies and ducks in her picture book.

Sometimes, I can't believe it's been a year since she was born. Most of the time, I REALLY can't believe it's been a year since I spent 27 hours in labor.

+ With Blogger/Google being stupid and not fixing the comment issue so many people are having, it seems many people are turning to Disqus to solve the problem instead. Confession: I hate Disqus with the fire of a thousand suns, and I can't bring myself to comment on blogs that use it. I hate having to sign in, I hate that it doesn't work half the time and/or I can't remember my log in, and to be honest, I really don't like my comment being replied to right there in someone's comment section. Reminds me too much of Facebook and it feels a lot less personal.  I've had some really good discussions about various topics with people via email, spurred by something they said in the blog, and I feel like that relationship aspect of blogging is basically shoved aside when all you get is a quick response right below your original comment.

+ Isaiah bought me a new laptop for my birthday a few weeks ago! I've been using my Macbook (that he also bought me for one of our first married Christmases) for something like 7 years, and while it's held up fairly well considering, it was just getting slower and slower and not functioning like I wanted it to, even after taking it to the computer doctor in town and having it cleaned and updated and more memory installed. Not to mention, I've been wanting to go back to a Windows computer for a while now. I like my iPhone and iPad just fine, but I spent all day every day on a Windows PC at my job the last 15-ish years, and a lot of Mac functions just don't work the same way that Windows functions do, and the way I'm used to. I was tired of not having an actual "delete" button, I got tired of the function/control/option/command buttons all doing weird things I wasn't used to, and I find it a lot easier to organize folders on a Windows OS as well. So...hi, Hewlett-Packard, nice to meet you.

Also, hey Apple, how about a print screen button? Who even remembers shift + command + 4 every time they need a screenshot? (I had to Google it AGAIN just to add that line to this post.)

+ My mom is flying up day after tomorrow for Imogen's birthday, will spend a few days here afterward, and then we're all headed back to Washington together for a little vacation. Imogen and Isaiah and I are headed to Mt. Rainier where we've rented an Airbnb cabin on the Cowlitz River, and the plan is to 1. relax, 2. hike, 3. relax, 4. hike, and 5. relax. I could not be more excited about this plan. I've been obsessively searching Instagram hashtags like "packwoodwa" and "mtrainiernationalpark" in preparation for this trip.

+ I feel like July is the new IT month for us. July of 2016, we went to Iceland. July 2017, we had a baby. July 2018, I finally get to do some hiking at Mt. Rainier - which you'd think I would have done having grown up in Washington, but I haven't. I'm starting to like July a little bit.

Life Lately #18

Reading: Nothing. It's terrible. I started Spaceman WEEKS ago and haven't even touched it since the first chapter. It's not that it wasn't interesting - it actually grabbed me right away - I just never think to read during Imogen's naps, there are so many other things I'd rather be doing these days. At this rate I'm never going to meet my reading goal for 2018. Although we are going on vacation in a few weeks, and maybe I'll get some reading in then.

Watching: America's Got Talent on Hulu. Does anyone else watch this show? Isaiah and I have a theory that they let some of the awful people be on just so they can have someone to kick off every now and then. We're also suspicious that they're planted because some of these people are just so. bad. Last night there was a (very cute, I will admit) elderly couple from Cuba who were "dancers." I was expecting some amazing ballroom dancing routine. Nope. All they did was bump and grind (badly) to "Talk Dirty to Me." It wasn't gross, but it was...awkward?? AND THEY GOT THREE YES VOTES. You can watch it here if you want to see their "dance routine." I do think Mel B was a little too offended. I'm not really a fan of hers. 

Listening to: The new Snow Patrol album!! Also Isaiah's heavy breathing because he's working out in the kitchen. Yes, the kitchen. That's how small our house is.

Eating: Next to no carbs. I've done pretty well, but the other night I was craving ice cream like my life depended on it. Thankfully it was 10pm when the craving hit and mama ain't going to the store at 10:00 at night, no thanks.

Loving: My new lavender hair! No picture, sorry. I'll think about posting one on Instagram soon. Get this, though. Nobody in town sells purple shampoo for blonde/silver (or lavender) hair. There's only one store I haven't checked, but it's a really small grocery store so I seriously doubt they have it. Even our drug store didn't have any. So, I had to do a quick Ulta order and hopefully my hair doesn't turn brassy before next week when my shampoo is supposed to get here.

Annoyed with: Movie and television plots that force female heroes just so they can say they had a female hero. I'm fine with strong female characters, obviously...but I don't appreciate my gender as a whole being used as a pawn for some social justice cause that doesn't even exist.

Creating: Multiple DIY projects for Imogen's birthday party. We don't have the luxury of a Target/Walmart/party store/Joann/Michaels or anything of the sort here, so I'm having to order literally everything online. And it's cheaper just to make certain things myself than have to buy them. So, like, a three tiered cupcake stand...gonna hit the thrift store, find a trio of mismatched yet coordinating china plates and (hopefully) some pretty candlesticks, grab some epoxy, and make my own darn cupcake stand.

Laughing at: The show Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's really stupid (and nothing will ever measure up to The Office as far as I'm concerned) and it took me a while to get into it, but the last few episodes we've watched have actually been pretty funny. We're still on season 1, so hopefully it continues to get better.

Disappointed with: The latest season of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. The first couple seasons were so funny. I don't know if I even laughed once watching this most current season. It's just gotten really weird and like they've kind of run out of jokes, they make a lot of references to people and things that I don't understand, the characters have just gotten really weird...meh. Probably won't even bother with the show anymore, to be honest.

Feeling: A little scattered lately. There's just a lot going on with life and family right now and my brain doesn't feel like it's functioning at 100%!

Hoping: That it works out for my mom to still fly up for Imogen's first birthday, because she hasn't even seen her since Christmas. The aforementioned "life and family" stuff involves my dad (for those who don't know, he has Alzheimer's) and there are a few things that need to fall into place quickly, both for his sake and so my mom can take a break from the stress and come up to visit us for a little bit. 

Anticipating: Opening my new Etsy shop next week! Keep an eye on Instagram, I'll post about it there when the time comes. Hint: It has nothing to do with crocheting.

I Have Thoughts #6

First, if there are a lot of typos in this post, I apologize in advance. I am tired. Isaiah gets up for work at 5:45am, and there's no going back to sleep for me after that. Also, we've finally finished night weaning Imogen and as a thank you she's been waking up regularly between 6-6:30 instead of 7:30 like she used to. Her bedtime is still the same so I don't know what gives. It's probably not the weaning thing (because let's be real, she's almost 11 months old, she doesn't need a bottle at 5am); I'm thinking it's more a developmental phase combined with teething. She has been working on four - yes, count them, FOUR - teeth this last week or two, and it's been off and on hellacious for all of us. Three of them have finally broken the surface, thank the Lord above, so we only have one left and please, Jesus, make it come quickly.

She's also been fighting her afternoon nap like it's her hill to die on, and while she usually does eventually fall asleep, it's kind of stressful for me to sit there and listen to her jabber away and play with the zipper on her sleep sack for 45 minutes to an hour. And yes, I've tried putting her down a little bit earlier and a little bit later for the nap, and neither has made a difference. I know she's not ready for one nap yet, and I've read that there's a nap-fighting stage between 10-11 months, so I'm just trying to weather the storm over here.

Anyway, like I said, I'm tired, and I've been letting Imogen watch far more Little Baby Bum on Netflix than I'd like to admit. At least it's educational???

In other news, I'm starting to plan Imogen's first birthday party (who am I kidding, I started thinking about this months ago). The more I think about it, the more I want to cancel it, and we haven't even invited anyone yet. My mom's flying up for her birthday, which will be awesome, but I really just want to have some family time and not have to think about food and decorations and who we're going to invite and blah blah blah. Let's be honest, people don't have 1st birthday parties for the baby, anyway. It's just for the photos and the baby book. And Facebook, if that's your thing.

In reality, there's no way I could get away with NOT having a birthday party for her, not with in-laws who live here and a grandma flying up for the occasion and friends who have parties every chance they get. I would be the scourge of the family. A plague on both my houses. So, I'm researching inexpensive party decorations and trying to decide exactly how much DIYing I'm willing to do.

The other problem is location. It's not like we're inviting an army, but we'll probably have at least 15 people (ughhhhhhhhhhhh) and our house is flat out too small. There's a small building in town that would have been absolutely perfect and they normally rent it out by the day, but it's unavailable in June and July. Of course. Our only other options are to beg someone to let us have it at their house (nahhhh) or to have it at a covered campground or something outside, and I literally do not remember the last time it didn't rain on the 4th of July. Rainforests, man, always raining.

I'm probably putting way more thought into this than I need to be, and I seriously wish we could just invite her aunts and uncle and grandparents and be done with it (even though that would still be 5 too many people) but I already feel like I'm putting my foot down by saying no, we are not inviting half the police department. Like I told Isaiah, the people you invite to your daughter's first birthday party are people YOU want to spend time with, because the baby couldn't care less. She doesn't have "friends" yet.

Enough about the birthday party.

Did you hear that Ireland just made abortions legal? I shed literal tears when I read the news. I happened to have Imogen sitting on my lap playing with her blocks at that very moment, and the thought of someone murdering her before she was even born had me weeping and hugging her. Screw anyone who thinks unborn babies are not alive. To me, she's been alive since the second I saw that second pink line on my pregnancy test and nobody will ever be able to convince me otherwise. The fact that people were sobbing with joy and celebrating in the streets makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. They're literally celebrating infanticide. Crying tears of happiness because they're now legally able to murder babies whenever they want. If that doesn't disgust you too, there's the door.

On a lighter, less depressing note, has anyone here ever tried the keto diet? Normally I'm not a huge fan of fad diets - I figured out what works for me in terms of eating habits a while back and as long as I stuck to that, I was able to maintain my weight pretty easily. Post-baby, though? Nope. What worked before has most definitely not been working. I used to eat semi-low carb and that worked fine, but the same ratio of carbs to fat/protein has not been working anymore. I was talking to my sister-in-law a week or two ago, and she and her husband have been following the keto diet since last September and she's lost almost 40 pounds. And she doesn't work out. Like, not even a little bit.

Now, I'm not really a fan of NEVER working out, because I like to be fit in order to be able to go hiking on tougher trails and not feel like I'm dead before I've started. But I was intrigued, and since my previous eating habits were doing nothing for me and I have nothing to lose (ha ha) I thought I might give it a shot.

Let's just say I've lost 6 pounds in about two weeks. I know a lot of that is probably water weight, but that's fine - at least something is happening, whereas previously the scale wasn't budging no matter what I did. I still have about 20 pounds I want to lose, but my jeans are getting looser and the scale is going down, so I think I might stick with this for a while. It's simpler than I thought, too, even though when I'm tired I crave sugar and that's not an option with this way of eating. It seems counterintuitive to eat a lot of fat in order to lose fat, but I can't really argue with the science behind it. I don't want to talk forever about this because I know it's super annoying when people blab on and on about their diets and weight loss and whatever, but if you're curious about it, let me know and we can chat about it.

Also, the first person that says "Tee hee, I can't relate because I never had to change a thing after I had my baby and I was back in my size 4 skinny jeans only six weeks after having him/her! But good for you for figuring out what works for you! Tee hee!" gets a loaf of bread thrown at their head. I can't eat it right now anyway.

On Mother's Day

I get tired of feeling like I have to post disclaimers to the things I write lest someone think I'm passive aggressively singling them out, but here it is anyway: This post is not directed at any one specific person, so please take none of this personally. 

First of all, a belated Happy Mother's Day to all of you! I hope you all had a wonderful day full of love and joy, whether you have kids or not. This was my first Mother's Day with Imogen on the outside, and it was pretty great. Even though I wasn't thrilled about having to spend the day alone at home with a baby, Isaiah went above and beyond to make sure the day was special for me anyway, and it was very much appreciated.

That said, I've had something weighing on me the last few days that I have to get off my chest. I noticed a weird, somewhat disturbing trend this year on Mother's Day that has been bothering me ever since.

Have you ever noticed that there seem to be trends in the online world relating to attitudes toward certain situations? For instance, on a very basic level, it's very popular in the blog world to be omginlove with the fall season. If you aren't posting daily photos of your boots amongst the crunchy leaves or publicly drooling over your apple cider, you're the odd one out. Me, I like fall, but it's not my favorite season. You'll probably never catch me blogging about how much I love mustard colored cardigans (even though I do) or Instagramming my own hand holding a Starbucks cup in front of an orange and yellow leaved tree.

Snarkiness aside, it's totally fine to enjoy joining in with other people following popular trends like that. Sometimes.

I've also noticed that there are certain attitudes toward kids that seem to be growing in popularity over the last year or two, and it honestly has started to really upset me.

It's somehow become okay (popular, even) to call your toddler an "asshole." There's even a book with that as part of the title. It's somehow become trendy to go on and on about how all you want for your birthday/Mother's Day is an entire day away from your awful, needy children. It's somehow become the popular thing to do to only speak negative things about your kids, and never say a single positive thing about them. I have to be completely honest - there are some things I've seen online that have literally made me wonder why some people chose to have kids if they hate them so much.

Before you tar and feather me, I'm sure everyone actually loves their kids. But how is anyone supposed to know that if people don't act or talk like it?

I saw one Instagram account this week (nobody who reads this blog, calm down) where the mom could not stop talking about how overjoyed she was that her husband was taking her son out of town for the weekend so she could be away from him for two whole days. Ever since she had her baby, she's done nothing but talk about how difficult motherhood is, how it's nothing like she imagined, and how it should be "okay" to talk publicly, as women, about how much we love our kids but also how much we hate being a mom. Hashtag "brave" or something like that.

I make no apologies when I say I do not feel like that's okay. Are there hard days as a mom? OF COURSE. Curated Instagram accounts where a woman with an immaculately cleaned and decorated house has five kids all perfectly dressed in matching frocks who never whine or cry or throw tantrums or spill all their food on the floor are not real life. I don't think anybody who's a parent can take those kinds of accounts seriously and, if someone who's planning on having kids does, they're in for a shock when life really looks nothing like that.

But I also can't get on board with oversharing the negative side of being a parent and having kids. That's what husbands and your best friend are for - to vent about those hard days. It really shouldn't be the new popular thing to complain 24/7 about your kids on social media. It's not funny to call your toddler an asshole, because your toddler ISN'T an asshole. He/she is a toddler. They need a mature adult to parent them and teach them how to handle their emotions properly, how to be nice and sweet and not hit people, and yes, they need to be disciplined so they don't turn into actual assholes when they're 20.

It just makes me sad. Sometimes I think, what if our parents had Instagram and Facebook and wrote blogs and never had a single good thing to say about us when we were kids? I would be devastated if I cracked open my baby book and all my mom wrote in it was that I was a little asshole and the best Mother's Day she had was one she didn't have to spend with me.

Is it okay to want a break from your kids sometimes? YES. It's totally okay, and totally normal, to want to get out alone or with your spouse or friends for a kid-free date. That's why babysitters were invented. But when I log onto Instagram and it seems like everyone this year is rejoicing because they were able to ditch their kids for the day/weekend, it's a little upsetting. Mother's Day is, yes, a day to celebrate moms and all the hard work they do. And if getting out alone for Mother's Day is what makes it a good day for you, that's fine! What's not fine is to imply your kids are the worst part of your life and THANK GOD ALMIGHTY you're getting rid of them for the day.

I just think we all need to start making a more conscious decision to speak good things over our kids. Instead of calling them names, let's start choosing to share the good things about them. Take a look at your Instagram account or Facebook posts or blog entries - is it 90% negative and 10% positive, or the other way around? I believe words have power - it is in the Bible after all - and if you call your kid an asshole or a little terror or a jerk, they're probably going to start acting like one.

I feel like this was a super ramble-y, disjointed post and I'm not sure I even adequately expressed myself. All I wanted for Mother's Day was for my husband to have the day off so we could celebrate my being a mom to the most beautiful little girl, and instead he had to work. But instead of complaining about single parenting and lamenting the fact that I had to spend yet another 13 hour day alone with my daughter, I woke up that morning and chose to thank God for the blessing of being her mom, and what better way to spend Mother's Day than with the little one who made me a mother in the first place?

Children are a heritage from the Lord; offspring a reward from Him.

Psalm 127:3