Life Lately #20

Reading: The Lovely War by Julie Berry. I'm about 1/3 done with it and so far I'm really liking it. It's from the POV of Greek gods and goddesses, which is...interesting? I don't hate it, can't say I looooove it, but it's different from anything I've read before and the actual main storyline has definitely sucked me in. I know WWI/WWII fiction is still super popular these days, but I'm a diehard fan and I'll probably never change. I will say that having a library card has kinda forced me to do more reading. It's that 3-week return deadline...it does wonders for making me actually finish books. Imagine that.

Watching: Expedition Bigfoot on the Discovery+ channel. We did a free 7-day trial, planned to binge both seasons over the course of a week, didn't quite make it, and now we've paid for the next month. I am completely obsessed with anything Sasquatch. Are you a believer?? 

Listening to: All the kid music. Occasionally we listen to "grown-up music" (as Imogen calls it) but mainly just in the car. I have a hard time letting them listen to anything with grown-up themes. It's a personal thing. So, in our house...it's "God music" (again, an Imogen term), classical, or kid music on the Echo Dot. All day, every day. The Rizers, Ellie Holcomb, the "Hymns" albums by Shane and Shane, Raffi, the Frozen 2 soundtrack (eyeroll), and so on.

Smelling: I am absolutely not a woo-woo essential oils person, but I have been diffusing my Tension Relief blend from Plant Therapy (best non-MLM brand I've ever used) a lot lately. Peppermint, eucalyptus, rosemary, spearmint, lavender, a few others...I've been having a lot of headaches lately and it's been somewhat helpful. 

Loving: That it's almost March, and March means spring, and spring means summer is on its way. I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. But I am so ready for after-dinner walks in the sun, a non-soggy backyard to play in, beach days, and for it not to take 20 minutes to get the kids ready to go anywhere because layers are a must. 

Happy: That the indoor playground I mentioned previously is finally open again!! They've been shut down for the last year, and if I had a dollar for every time Imogen asked to go back, I could probably buy the place. We were finally able to surprise her with a trip there last Saturday, and she was so happy. Actually, her first statement when she realized where we were was, "It's the place where Blippi went!!" (Funtastic Playtorium, if any of you have seen that episode.) It was extra fun this time, too, because Kilian was able to run around and play and didn't just sleep in the stroller the majority of the time. It's not exactly a cheap place to take the kids, but it's nice to have the option on rainy weekends. Now, I just need the local McDonald's Playspace to open back up so we have a free option. 

Wanting: A compost bin. Is that weird? Occasionally I look at all the produce waste we throw in the trash and I think to myself, "That could be some great dirt for my plants if I only had a way to compost it..." I found this fairly small, compact, rotating one on Amazon and I asked for it for Christmas, but apparently nobody in my family thought that made a fun gift. I can't blame them. Merry Christmas, here's somewhere new to throw your banana peels and apple cores. 

Laughing at: THIS. I cried, I was laughing so hard. You cannot even tell me that if Trump said even half of what Biden says about black people, he wouldn't be excoriated in the media.

Snow and Library Cards and Kids Who Grow Up Way Too Fast

When did blogs start needing to have a "theme" or specific topic for each post? It's something that just occurred to me. I can understand if you have a topical blog in general (mommy blogs, cooking blogs, etc) but for a personal blog? I find myself getting hung up on the idea that each post I write needs to be about one thing in particular, otherwise it's no good. But, quite honestly, some of my favorite posts to read from others are the ones that are completely random and about more than one thing. I feel like I'm actually getting to know the writer that way! 

We registered Imogen for preschool yesterday. HOLD ME. It's still 6 months off, but I feel like I'm sending her to college this very weekend or something. How on earth do we have a daughter pushing four years old? FOUR. It feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago. She won't be four until July, but she acts fourteen, so I have no idea what to expect this fall. She is smart and silly and clever and the best big sister Kilian could have, and I can't wait to watch her blossom in a class of peers. If you'd asked me a year or two ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of preschool. Kids don't need to go to preschool, after all. She can learn just as much by playing with her brother and following our house rules and doing pre-K aged workbooks with me here at home. But then 2020 happened, and all my grandiose ideas of a ballet or gymnastics class or mom-and-me-playdates shriveled to dust, and preschool started sounding like not too bad of an idea. The girl needs some little friends in her life and I'm hoping she'll have those in spades starting in September. 

I am nervous, though. I'm nervous she'll be scared. I'm worried for the day she comes home with hurt feelings because another kid was mean to her. I'm nervous that the next four years will go as fast as the last four and she'll suddenly be in 3rd grade and then high school and then college and okay, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

It'll be good for her. Deep breaths. We have chosen not to tell her about it until after her birthday, though. One day she's excited about the idea of school "someday", and the next day she's in tears because she doesn't want to go to school and she doesn't want a teacher and she doesn't want friends and she just wants "to stay home with youuuuuuuu!" We figured there's no sense in making her worry all summer long, and hopefully, by the time her birthday rolls around, she'll be more accepting of the idea. It'll still give us two months or so to prep her. If anyone has any great suggestions for age-appropriate books to introduce the idea of school (and how fun it is!) to a 3.5 year old, I'm all ears.

Speaking of books, I finally got a library card! I don't know why I went years without one, considering they're free and all, but now that the kids are getting a little older and we're running out of bookshelf space, it was time. Also, I can download Kindle books from the library which has been amazing. Our local library is still closed (eyeroll), but the minute it reopens I want to take the kids there. The last time we were in a library was in Sitka. Imogen wasn't even 2 years old yet, and she cared exactly zero percent about the books and only wanted to play with the giant floor puzzles and blocks in the kids' area. I'm excited to let her pick out a few books to bring home and read. Someday soon, I hope.

It snowed here this last weekend, so the kids finally got to go outside and build a snowman. According to Imogen, the snow is "beauuuuuuutifulllllll!!!" It lasted for a couple days, just long enough for our garbage service to decide our neighborhood was too treacherous (despite almost no snow on the roads by Monday morning) to pick up our trash and recycling, and it's almost all gone now. I'm not complaining. The preschool registrar said, "You moved from Alaska and then it snowed for you!" and I had to resist the urge to be like "Yeah...talk to me when the snow is 2 feet deep and lasts for two months and you live on a hill where the ice basically doesn't melt all winter long and oh, by the way, garbage trucks and school buses still run and if you call into work and say you can't make it because of snow you'll be endlessly mocked..." But I didn't. I just chuckled and said, "Yep, it's pretty great!" I think she missed the part where I said we moved a year and a half ago, too, because this is not the first snow we've seen here. 

Have any of you with small kids seen the Netflix show Trash Truck? It is so cute. It's low-key and adorable and wholesome and just a delight. I don't mind high-energy, crazy shows on occasion because the kids like them, but I'm so thankful that they've both latched onto a show that doesn't have psychedelic colors flashing constantly and cartoon animals screaming and constant ear-splitting background music. Trash Truck is about a little boy named Hank, his best friends Miss Mona the mouse, Walter the bear, and Donnie the raccoon, and of course - Trash Truck himself. His sister Olive and his parents (a mom and dad!) make occasional appearances, as does his grandpa. I just cannot say enough good things about it. Check it out if you haven't already! Just be prepared to watch the same 10 (?) episodes over and over and over and over. Crossing all my fingers for a season 2 sooner rather than later.

I'm definitely adding "Survived the Pandemic of 2020-?? as a SAHM" to my future resume.

You guys, sooooooo many people have messaged me, emailed me, texted me, carrier pigeon-ed me, telegrammed me, and Tweeted me asking for my take on stay-at-home-mom life in the midst of a global pandemic! Who would I be if I didn't oblige? Not any decent kind of blogger-influencer, that's for sure.

The first thing that comes to mind is that not much has changed because I was already used to staying home all day, every day with two children. But if I really think about it, things have actually changed.

I used to dream of the day Kilian dropped down to at least two naps, and especially one nap, so both kids would be awake longer and we could get out and do more things during the day. Well, that day came and went, and guess what? 

Indoor playgrounds are closed.

The zoo was closed for the majority of last summer. It's open now, but timed/limited entry only. And it's winter.

Restaurants just last week opened indoor seating back up, but only at 25% capacity. So much for going to the McDonald's or Chick-fil-a play spaces on rainy days.

Even the kids' play space at the nearest mall is roped off  (and don't get me started on the take-out only food court, because I know I always go to the mall to get take-out food...).

Outdoor parks are open, but it's the cold+rainy season.

Last spring, I had grand thoughts of perhaps putting Imogen in a gymnastics or ballet class in the fall. I had daydreams of meeting other moms with kids of similar ages, and perhaps striking up a few friendships here or there, maybe even attending a few - gasp - playdates? 

None of that happened. In-person everything is, was, has been shut down basically since this whole thing started. 

15 days to flatten the curve though, or something.

I don't mean to complain, but it's been tough. Most people who work are back at their jobs, albeit with precautions in place. Adult interaction! Leaving the house with somewhere to go other than walk around Walmart or Fred Meyer for the hundredth time! But where does that leave stay-at-home-moms in states that are still locked down? Well, we are...still locked down. We live and sleep where we work and our co-workers aren't much help around the house, nor do they provide many opportunities for stimulating conversation. At least we don't have to wear masks at home, I suppose.

To clarify, at no point in reading this do I want anyone to think I want to be anything BUT a stay-at-home mom. I truly feel for moms who wish they could stay home instead of work, and I simultaneously cannot fully relate to moms who have absolutely no desire to stay home with their kids. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I just imagined that it would look a little different at times. 

It's a struggle a lot of us deal with most of the time, but it's definitely been exacerbated by the events of the past year. I think sometimes people have this view of moms who stay home that isn't exactly based in reality. Many gifted writers have come before me and fully explained the emotional and spiritual trials of a life spent keeping a house and raising children, so I won't rehash it here. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. But the loneliness is real, and even more so when your "community" is nonexistent, whether by choice or by force.

I do have a lot to be thankful for, though. We are blessed to be able to survive (in the Seattle area, no less) on one salary. Everyone is and has been completely healthy. The kids are growing like weeds, and Imogen starts preschool in the fall (sob). We have a roof over our heads and food in the refrigerator. 

I also realize that some moms have/had it harder than I do. Admittedly, I occasionally have to swallow the urge to roll my eyes at moms who are used to working and suddenly have to - gasp - deal with their own children all day, every day, but I know that's unkind. My reality is not everyone else's reality, and I think comparison is never helpful. It can provide some perspective, but it doesn't tell you everything about a person or their struggles. I truly don't know how I would handle it if I had a full time job and school-aged kids and I suddenly had to figure out how to both homeschool and keep up my work-related duties. All the coffee and chocolate and hugs to those moms.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this post anymore. Maybe I just want other moms to know they're not alone? I know that, despite my desire for in-person friendships, I am beyond grateful for a couple of long-distance mom friends who help keep me sane via copious amounts of text messages, basically every single day.  

As far as survival goes, aside from the aforementioned long-distance friends, I've been spending a lot of time reading blogs and posts and books from other moms who "get it". They understand the often-crushing loneliness, the monotony even in the midst of barely getting a moment to yourself, the emotional dichotomy of wishing you could be anywhere other than at home while knowing deep down that there's nothing anyone could offer to make you leave.

So, I guess if I (the non-expert that I am) were to offer one piece of advice, that's it. Find others who understand your situation, whatever that may be. If they're offering advice from a Biblical perspective, even better. Because Jesus understands more than anyone else ever will.

And may this all be over sooner rather than later.

P.S. I'm realizing that I do better, longer, as a blogger if I stick to just rambling when I feel like rambling. I used to ramble, feel self-conscious, delete it all, and then do a "Currently" post to fill the void. I still love those types of posts and I fully intend on doing them occasionally, but I also want to write my real thoughts and feelings without feeling terribly awkward. If that's not your cup of tea, I do apologize. If you keep reading, I do apologize. Just kidding. But thanks for sticking around. 

God's Not Dead, and Neither Am I

Wow. Just WOW, guys. Technically, it's only been about two and a half years since I last wrote in this blog, but man, it feels more like two and a half decades. I can't believe my last post was spent writing about things like transitioning Imogen to one nap (Spoiler: We did it at 13.5 months and it went as smoothly as I could have hoped!) and the cost of gym memberships in Sitka. 

It's been a long time, and a LOT has happened since July of 2018. It's kind of funny, I was looking over one of my old posts and I had written about how it felt like July was the month where something exciting always happened. In July of 2016, we traveled to Iceland. July 2017, we had Imogen. July 2018, we took an amazing and memorable trip to Mt. Rainier. 

July 2019...we moved back to Washington. I guess we broke the streak last year, though, because nothing terribly exciting happened in July 2020 except Imogen turned 13 (ahem, THREE). Maybe we'll make up for it this year.

Have I told you yet that we moved back to Washington? HOO-BOY, that was an adventure and a half. I could write for days about that situation, but long story short, we left Alaska the weekend after Imogen's 2nd birthday, ended up not getting any of our belongings from the moving company delivered until A MONTH later, so the one week we were supposed to stay with my mom turned into four, we finally moved into our rental on August 8th, I went into labor on August 9th, and August 11th we had another baby. 

Oh yeah, did I mention we moved when I was 35 weeks pregnant with our son? 

So, now we live in Washington, we have 3 1/2 year old Imogen and 1 1/2 year old Kilian, Isaiah is working for the county, I'm killing it (lolz) doing my CEO of Domestic Affairs gig (aka SAHM), and aside from the now year-long, never-ending "pandemic" and some other hiccups here and there, life has been fairly peachy! 

Who knows how long I'll keep this up this time around, but now that the kids are slightly more independent and I have a little bit more free time (like, at naptime) I thought maybe I'd try my hand at blogging again. I feel like I'm reconnecting with an estranged friend - excited, but slightly apprehensive; a little giddy, but also wondering if this will be for the long haul or if we'll both make tentative plans to hang out but never actually find the time, and the next thing you know it's been another few years and we're basically strangers again. 

In the meantime, tell me what I should write about next! The move to Washington? Surprise, we have another kid now? All about life with two toddlers and how one of them is *sob* going to preschool this fall? Secrets of not losing your mind as a stay at home mom? None of the above?

If you're new here, welcome to probably one of the most boring, random blogs you'll ever read. It's nice to meet you. If you've been here before, welcome back to probably one of the most boring, random blogs you'll ever read. I missed you.