I'm definitely adding "Survived the Pandemic of 2020-?? as a SAHM" to my future resume.

You guys, sooooooo many people have messaged me, emailed me, texted me, carrier pigeon-ed me, telegrammed me, and Tweeted me asking for my take on stay-at-home-mom life in the midst of a global pandemic! Who would I be if I didn't oblige? Not any decent kind of blogger-influencer, that's for sure.

The first thing that comes to mind is that not much has changed because I was already used to staying home all day, every day with two children. But if I really think about it, things have actually changed.

I used to dream of the day Kilian dropped down to at least two naps, and especially one nap, so both kids would be awake longer and we could get out and do more things during the day. Well, that day came and went, and guess what? 

Indoor playgrounds are closed.

The zoo was closed for the majority of last summer. It's open now, but timed/limited entry only. And it's winter.

Restaurants just last week opened indoor seating back up, but only at 25% capacity. So much for going to the McDonald's or Chick-fil-a play spaces on rainy days.

Even the kids' play space at the nearest mall is roped off  (and don't get me started on the take-out only food court, because I know I always go to the mall to get take-out food...).

Outdoor parks are open, but it's the cold+rainy season.

Last spring, I had grand thoughts of perhaps putting Imogen in a gymnastics or ballet class in the fall. I had daydreams of meeting other moms with kids of similar ages, and perhaps striking up a few friendships here or there, maybe even attending a few - gasp - playdates? 

None of that happened. In-person everything is, was, has been shut down basically since this whole thing started. 

15 days to flatten the curve though, or something.

I don't mean to complain, but it's been tough. Most people who work are back at their jobs, albeit with precautions in place. Adult interaction! Leaving the house with somewhere to go other than walk around Walmart or Fred Meyer for the hundredth time! But where does that leave stay-at-home-moms in states that are still locked down? Well, we are...still locked down. We live and sleep where we work and our co-workers aren't much help around the house, nor do they provide many opportunities for stimulating conversation. At least we don't have to wear masks at home, I suppose.

To clarify, at no point in reading this do I want anyone to think I want to be anything BUT a stay-at-home mom. I truly feel for moms who wish they could stay home instead of work, and I simultaneously cannot fully relate to moms who have absolutely no desire to stay home with their kids. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I just imagined that it would look a little different at times. 

It's a struggle a lot of us deal with most of the time, but it's definitely been exacerbated by the events of the past year. I think sometimes people have this view of moms who stay home that isn't exactly based in reality. Many gifted writers have come before me and fully explained the emotional and spiritual trials of a life spent keeping a house and raising children, so I won't rehash it here. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. But the loneliness is real, and even more so when your "community" is nonexistent, whether by choice or by force.

I do have a lot to be thankful for, though. We are blessed to be able to survive (in the Seattle area, no less) on one salary. Everyone is and has been completely healthy. The kids are growing like weeds, and Imogen starts preschool in the fall (sob). We have a roof over our heads and food in the refrigerator. 

I also realize that some moms have/had it harder than I do. Admittedly, I occasionally have to swallow the urge to roll my eyes at moms who are used to working and suddenly have to - gasp - deal with their own children all day, every day, but I know that's unkind. My reality is not everyone else's reality, and I think comparison is never helpful. It can provide some perspective, but it doesn't tell you everything about a person or their struggles. I truly don't know how I would handle it if I had a full time job and school-aged kids and I suddenly had to figure out how to both homeschool and keep up my work-related duties. All the coffee and chocolate and hugs to those moms.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this post anymore. Maybe I just want other moms to know they're not alone? I know that, despite my desire for in-person friendships, I am beyond grateful for a couple of long-distance mom friends who help keep me sane via copious amounts of text messages, basically every single day.  

As far as survival goes, aside from the aforementioned long-distance friends, I've been spending a lot of time reading blogs and posts and books from other moms who "get it". They understand the often-crushing loneliness, the monotony even in the midst of barely getting a moment to yourself, the emotional dichotomy of wishing you could be anywhere other than at home while knowing deep down that there's nothing anyone could offer to make you leave.

So, I guess if I (the non-expert that I am) were to offer one piece of advice, that's it. Find others who understand your situation, whatever that may be. If they're offering advice from a Biblical perspective, even better. Because Jesus understands more than anyone else ever will.

And may this all be over sooner rather than later.

P.S. I'm realizing that I do better, longer, as a blogger if I stick to just rambling when I feel like rambling. I used to ramble, feel self-conscious, delete it all, and then do a "Currently" post to fill the void. I still love those types of posts and I fully intend on doing them occasionally, but I also want to write my real thoughts and feelings without feeling terribly awkward. If that's not your cup of tea, I do apologize. If you keep reading, I do apologize. Just kidding. But thanks for sticking around.