First of all, a belated Happy Mother's Day to all of you! I hope you all had a wonderful day full of love and joy, whether you have kids or not. This was my first Mother's Day with Imogen on the outside, and it was pretty great. Even though I wasn't thrilled about having to spend the day alone at home with a baby, Isaiah went above and beyond to make sure the day was special for me anyway, and it was very much appreciated.
That said, I've had something weighing on me the last few days that I have to get off my chest. I noticed a weird, somewhat disturbing trend this year on Mother's Day that has been bothering me ever since.
Have you ever noticed that there seem to be trends in the online world relating to attitudes toward certain situations? For instance, on a very basic level, it's very popular in the blog world to be omginlove with the fall season. If you aren't posting daily photos of your boots amongst the crunchy leaves or publicly drooling over your apple cider, you're the odd one out. Me, I like fall, but it's not my favorite season. You'll probably never catch me blogging about how much I love mustard colored cardigans (even though I do) or Instagramming my own hand holding a Starbucks cup in front of an orange and yellow leaved tree.
Snarkiness aside, it's totally fine to enjoy joining in with other people following popular trends like that. Sometimes.
I've also noticed that there are certain attitudes toward kids that seem to be growing in popularity over the last year or two, and it honestly has started to really upset me.
It's somehow become okay (popular, even) to call your toddler an "asshole." There's even a book with that as part of the title. It's somehow become trendy to go on and on about how all you want for your birthday/Mother's Day is an entire day away from your awful, needy children. It's somehow become the popular thing to do to only speak negative things about your kids, and never say a single positive thing about them. I have to be completely honest - there are some things I've seen online that have literally made me wonder why some people chose to have kids if they hate them so much.
Before you tar and feather me, I'm sure everyone actually loves their kids. But how is anyone supposed to know that if people don't act or talk like it?
I saw one Instagram account this week (nobody who reads this blog, calm down) where the mom could not stop talking about how overjoyed she was that her husband was taking her son out of town for the weekend so she could be away from him for two whole days. Ever since she had her baby, she's done nothing but talk about how difficult motherhood is, how it's nothing like she imagined, and how it should be "okay" to talk publicly, as women, about how much we love our kids but also how much we hate being a mom. Hashtag "brave" or something like that.
I make no apologies when I say I do not feel like that's okay. Are there hard days as a mom? OF COURSE. Curated Instagram accounts where a woman with an immaculately cleaned and decorated house has five kids all perfectly dressed in matching frocks who never whine or cry or throw tantrums or spill all their food on the floor are not real life. I don't think anybody who's a parent can take those kinds of accounts seriously and, if someone who's planning on having kids does, they're in for a shock when life really looks nothing like that.
But I also can't get on board with oversharing the negative side of being a parent and having kids. That's what husbands and your best friend are for - to vent about those hard days. It really shouldn't be the new popular thing to complain 24/7 about your kids on social media. It's not funny to call your toddler an asshole, because your toddler ISN'T an asshole. He/she is a toddler. They need a mature adult to parent them and teach them how to handle their emotions properly, how to be nice and sweet and not hit people, and yes, they need to be disciplined so they don't turn into actual assholes when they're 20.
It just makes me sad. Sometimes I think, what if our parents had Instagram and Facebook and wrote blogs and never had a single good thing to say about us when we were kids? I would be devastated if I cracked open my baby book and all my mom wrote in it was that I was a little asshole and the best Mother's Day she had was one she didn't have to spend with me.
Is it okay to want a break from your kids sometimes? YES. It's totally okay, and totally normal, to want to get out alone or with your spouse or friends for a kid-free date. That's why babysitters were invented. But when I log onto Instagram and it seems like everyone this year is rejoicing because they were able to ditch their kids for the day/weekend, it's a little upsetting. Mother's Day is, yes, a day to celebrate moms and all the hard work they do. And if getting out alone for Mother's Day is what makes it a good day for you, that's fine! What's not fine is to imply your kids are the worst part of your life and THANK GOD ALMIGHTY you're getting rid of them for the day.
I just think we all need to start making a more conscious decision to speak good things over our kids. Instead of calling them names, let's start choosing to share the good things about them. Take a look at your Instagram account or Facebook posts or blog entries - is it 90% negative and 10% positive, or the other way around? I believe words have power - it is in the Bible after all - and if you call your kid an asshole or a little terror or a jerk, they're probably going to start acting like one.
I feel like this was a super ramble-y, disjointed post and I'm not sure I even adequately expressed myself. All I wanted for Mother's Day was for my husband to have the day off so we could celebrate my being a mom to the most beautiful little girl, and instead he had to work. But instead of complaining about single parenting and lamenting the fact that I had to spend yet another 13 hour day alone with my daughter, I woke up that morning and chose to thank God for the blessing of being her mom, and what better way to spend Mother's Day than with the little one who made me a mother in the first place?
Children are a heritage from the Lord; offspring a reward from Him.
Psalm 127:3
You have such a good attitude. I will admit, I did not have that attitude on Mother’s Day this year when I was sick and Gracie was having a really rough day.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I really do. I find it helpful when other people occasionally admit that they have really hard days with their kids, too, but it makes me physically uncomfortable when people complain about their kids all the time or call them assholes. I am constantly thinking about how I would feel if my mom posted whatever I might post about Gracie. I know I’ve messed up in the past, but I’ve tried to be very conscious of it lately. It would break my heart for Gracie to be hurt by something I’ve written. Smack me if I every do that, ok?
YES!!!! 100% Yes! It frustrates me to no end to see mothers complain nonstop about their kids and how they wanted a whole day or weekend away from them. I just don't get it.
ReplyDeleteSame! Everyone has hard days and everyone needs a break now and then, but I adore my daughter and I can’t imagine calling her nasty names or announcing to the world that I can’t wait to be free of her. Honestly it makes people look bad, too, like why did you have kids if you can’t stand to be around them, like, ever??
DeleteA couple years ago my husband made me breakfast in bed for mother’s day, then he and the kids had breakfast in the kitchen together. It was lonely! I told him not to do that again.
ReplyDeleteThis year, he was travelling for 6 days with mother’s day being smack in the middle. I admit that I didn’t think it was fair that I had to spend the day alone with my kids with nobody to coach them on doing nice things for me (they aren’t the most thoughtful kids on their own...one decided it was actually brothers day instead of mother’s day) or be in charge of meals and diapers and cleanup. But we ended up having the nicest day. I made French toast, we did church, went for a walk and ice cream with the grandparents, then had a picnic in the backyard. It was probably one of the best mother’s days I’ve ever had!
I can’t stand the name-calling! Do they think it’s okay because the children belong to them?! Along with this goes the feeling of needing alcohol at the end of the day to recover or whatever. I can’t stand that it has become socially acceptable for moms to be lushes.
I would assume that the point of Mother's Day/Father's Day is to spend the day with your family? It's just that, after years of having both a mother and a father, my experience tells me that you get them a gift, you go out to eat, etc. I couldn't imagine if my mom had been like, "I'm out" and gone out with friends on Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention that I truly fear for the next, next generation, being constantly documented online before they're even born. Our generation has enough issues and we were born in the 80s.
I love this post of encouragement! I don’t have kids but I’ve often felt this way about women who constantly talk negatively about their husbands. Doesn’t mean we can’t share our issues to someone important in our life and open up about struggles. But I agree, across the board, that we should be more positive and encouraging towards one another- especially those closest to us! <3
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you on this. I've actually received a snide comment or two on my blog about how apparently "nothing is hard" for me about having a newborn. I've been pretty open about my challenging recovery so I was surprised by the comment at first, and I guess my lack of joining in on the popular chorus of "I'm so exhausted!" keeps me from fitting in.
ReplyDeleteAnd my only response is yeah...basically, that's true. Because being on the other side of trying for a couple years to have a baby and losing my first...nothing is hard about actually having my Cyrus safely here and healthy. This is so much easier than what the last few years have been like.
I didn't see anything like this from anyone I follow on Mother's Day this year, but this is sad some people act like that. I can totally understand a mom who stays at home wanting to take some time away from her kids, but honestly all I wanted was for us to all be together. We were and it was fabulous. I'm sorry your husband had to work, but I still do hope you enjoyed your first Mother's Day with your baby on the outside! :)
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I agree with you. The internet is not the place to shame your children. I mean, you shouldn't shame your children at all, but people need to be more cautious with what they say online.
ReplyDeleteI read that Toddlers Are A-Holes book and thought it was hilarious. I do think that toddlers have a-hole tendencies because they are, by nature, the most selfish people out there. Do I tell my kid he's an a-hole? Of course not. Do I joke with my friends that he can be? Yep, because he can be. And I can, too.
I also think we all have a different needs as people. Some people thrive spending all their time with their kids and some people need that break to feel appreciated and there shouldn't be anything wrong with saying that out loud.
Yes, yes, yes! Gosh, I haven't seen those kind of posts, but probably because if someone crosses the line of being too negative about their kids, I click the "unfollow" button. It's disturbing that this is a trend. Mothering can of course be hard, but how short-sighted are these moms for putting out all their gripes for the world to see, on the internet where nothing ever can go completely away? Their kids are going to be devastated someday, and shame on them. One of the reasons I blog is so that my kids can see how I overcame struggles over the years, and above all see how very much I LOVE them, even on the hard days!
ReplyDelete