Life Lately #24

Hiya, strangers!

Reading: Sasquatch: Legend Meets Science by Dr. Jeff Meldrum. He is a professor of anatomy and anthropology at Idaho State University, and he’s an expert on footprint morphology in primates. You may or may not know this about me, but I’m a HUGE Bigfoot nerd. I have been for years. At this point in my “research” (if you can call it that), I’m pretty much fully convinced that Sasquatch exists as a flesh and blood animal. So, I’ve watched quite a few documentaries where Dr. Meldrum makes an appearance, and now I’ve finally gotten around to reading his book. I’m only a couple chapters in, but it’s fascinating. 

Watching: I just finished Mare of Easttown, and now I’m an episode into The Undoing. We subscribed to HBO Max for a month, and I’m trying to take advantage of it. Side note: I didn’t realize Philly folks had a specific accent. I’ve heard it before, and just thought that person talked a little differently. Apparently it’s a whole thing, and apparently Kate Winslet is some sort of magician because she went back and forth between her Philadelphia accent and her British accent in between takes, while the rest of the cast kept the accent because they were worried they’d lose it during filming. 

Baking: Not exactly baking, but I’ve been making a lot of caramels lately. I’m trying to perfect them but I may have to give it up til fall, because the heat we are having combined with no air conditioning means they don’t set up correctly. On a related note, it is supposed to be 100/108/108 on Friday/Saturday/Sunday and WHAT THE HECK. Pacific Northwesterners do rain and snow. We do not do extreme heat. 

Wanting: Central A/C. *sob*

Drinking: Tazo Passion Tea Lemonades a’la Starbucks, but made at home for a fraction of the cost and calories. Get some Tazo iced passion tea bags and a jug of low cal/light lemonade and go to town. Trust me on this. 

Eating: PEACHES. I can’t get enough of them lately. Ive been having one for a mid-morning snack almost every day lately and I’m still not sick of them.

Making: Soooooo many DIY birthday party decorations. Imogen has requested a jungle-themed birthday party and even though it’s hard to be motivated to really go crazy for a party where exactly one person is invited (my mom), I know she’d be disappointed if I didn’t do something. So, who wants to come help me cut 20 Monstera leaves out of construction paper and blow up 150 balloons for a balloon garland? 

Mad at: The housing market. Holy crap, guys. A modest 3 bedroom, 2 bath fixer-upper should NOT even come close to costing a half a million dollars and yet, here we are.

Thankful for: The grace and ability to keep two kids alive for the last 4 and 2 years, respectively. 

Laughing at: Kilian and the way he pronounces certain words. “My turn” is “why turn”, every single time. It doesn’t matter how many times I make him say “my” correctly, the minute that word is combined with “turn”, it comes out “WHY TURN!!” I’ll be sad when he stops saying it incorrectly because it’s just so funny.

He also had a piece of cheese the other day, took it to the living room and ran it over with a toy tractor, then came running and told me “Tractor take it from me!” when I asked why the cheese was stuck to the tractor’s wheels. 

Life Lately #23

 Reading: Currently, I'm about 3/4ths of the way through American Predator. It's pretty fascinating but definitely not for the faint of heart. I'll definitely need something a bit more light-hearted when I'm done reading it! Unfortunately, I think next up is The Last Year of the War by Susan Meissner. I definitely didn't think this through.

Watching: Kid shows. Always kid shows. Also, the new season of Expedition X just started back up on Discovery+ and Isaiah and I love us some Josh Gates.

Baking: Krumkake! I got my krumkake iron! In a really unexpected way, actually. Recently, a coworker of Isaiah's asked if I could make him and his wife a chocolate pecan pie if they paid me. I said of course, and all I wanted reimbursement for was the few ingredients I'd need to buy that I don't normally just keep around the house on a regular basis (semi-sweet chocolate baking bars, pecans, and light corn syrup). Long story short, I made the pie, they paid me for the ingredients, and then asked Isaiah if they could get me an Amazon gift card or something as extra thanks for my time, or if there was something I'd been wanting. Isaiah told them I'd been wanting a krumkake iron and they definitely did not have to, but if they wanted to get me a $10 gift card or something to put toward it, they could. Then, one evening last week, Isaiah shows up home from work with a big box. They bought me the iron. The whole thing. To say I was shocked and a little bit embarrassed is an understatement. Thrilled, of course, too. Anyway, as a thank you, I made a whole bunch of chocolate-dipped krumkake over the weekend and sent a bunch of them to work with Isaiah to give back to the guy and his wife that bought me the iron. So that's the semi-short version of why I've been making krumkake. 

Wishing: That kids never got sick. It's just so sad, for all involved. Their sanity, my sanity...

Wanting: Nothing much at the moment, but as soon as I think of something you'd better believe I'm going to have Isaiah drop the hint to his coworker the next time I bake them something. KIDDING. I'M KIDDING.

Drinking: Iced matcha tea lattes!! I don't know why, but I recently had a huge hankering for matcha. I ordered some matcha powder on Amazon, and have been making myself a big iced matcha latte every day while the kids nap. I do 2 cups of unsweetened almond milk and 2 teaspoons of matcha powder in the blender, plus a bit of sugar-free vanilla syrup to sweeten it. Blend it up nice and frothy, pour over ice. I've been trying not to make myself three of these a day, but it's been hard. 

Eating: Nothing fun, that's for sure. I'm doing a certain diet (after falling off the proverbial wagon for the last...4 months?) and I won't talk about it here, but let's just say it rhymes with schmeto. 

Thankful for: The gorgeous weather we've been having lately!! It's slowly been getting warmer, to the point that this weekend is supposed to be almost 80 degrees. It's going to slowly cool off again, it isn't full-blown summer yet, but we've been spending part of our mornings and evenings outside in the backyard or at the park, and this weekend we're going to drag out the water table for the kids to play in. Summer is on its way!

Laughing at: This meme. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I simply don't care about your vaccine or how many months it's been since you hugged someone.

On Social Media, or the Lack Thereof

I deleted Instagram the other day. Well, I didn't delete it, but I deactivated my account and deleted the app from my phone. For anyone who has known me for a long time, this isn't a new phenomenon. I've been known to be very fairweather friend-ish with my social media accounts, and even this blog. I've probably deactivated/reactivated my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at least 3-4 times each. I've had at least five different blogs - with different titles - that I can think of off the top of my head, spanning a decade and a half. Generally, something will happen that frustrates me or otherwise annoys me, and I'll swear off any and all forms of internet social contact for a while. It's never been a thought-out, intentional act of defiance, more like...what am I even getting out of this, anyway? Meh. Bye.

My philosophy with social media is this: If it isn't benefitting you in some way, or otherwise enriching your life, then say goodbye to it. I deactivated/deleted Facebook (again) a while back for the same reason, and I haven't gone back. There were a few things that were helpful, like access to Marketplace for selling outgrown baby goods or a couple different groups I was in that were fun to peruse and contribute a comment to here or there, but overall, it was just a big source of stress.

Family members who don't care to actually have a relationship aside from occasionally "liking" a photo of my kids - or worse, intentionally ignoring them. Friend requests from people who weren't even really true acquaintances over a decade ago, just family members of classmates I never actually hung out with outside of required college functions. Mom groups full of photos of rashes and fights over things like organic vs. not or whose mother-in-law is the worst. Christian groups that are decidedly not very Christ-like, third-party-app-specific groups meant more for those who are drama-hungry than people actually seeking help for how to use the app, and so on and so forth. 

I wasn't getting anything out of it anymore. Anyone I care to stay in contact with, I already have their email addresses and phone numbers. I'll find another way to sell Kilian's outgrown infant car seat. 

Instagram started to feel the exact same way recently. I'm usually not the type of person to be insanely jealous of those who own homes and have money to remodel them (that'll be me again someday, just not today). I don't look at a perfectly curated photostream and compare my own life to filtered photos of just-cleaned gigantic living rooms and five acre perfectly mowed lawns and pristinely dressed children because I know that probably lasted about 4 minutes before the kids were fighting and someone spilled juice on themselves and mom lost her temper with the four-year-old and the dog barfed on the carpet for the third time that day. I am envious of, but not (too) discouraged by photos of women who bounced back to a size 4 after their fifth pregnancy. I don't begrudge married couples with kids who have an army of friends and family at their disposal so they can post monthly sans-children date-night photos - I'm envious and it makes me sometimes sad, but it doesn't anger me.

I don't have a terribly hard time keeping things in perspective, let's just say. I don't say that to brag about my emotional fortitude - just that my struggles are not anyone else's struggles, and theirs are not mine. And that's okay. There are other things about social media that do frustrate me, it's just in other ways than jealousy.

Also, people who are not actual, real-life friends likely don't refresh their feed three times a day hoping to see yet another photo of my children. People who don't know me don't care about my story feed where I'm baking another loaf of bread or posting another funny-probably-only-to-me meme. And, if I'm being completely and transparently honest...the same goes both ways. I love that my online acquaintances have kids, but I don't need to see three photos of them a day. I love that someone I met via blogging five years ago moved into a new house, but I never talk to them outside a photo "like" here or there and I have no personal investment in their renovation projects. It starts to feel like I'm spying on people and being spied upon, even though I know it's all completely voluntary. 

(Just to clarify, none of the above examples are referencing a single person in particular - they're just general examples of things that have crossed my mind. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.)

I don't tend to be an oversharer. I have struggles and things that upset me and family situations of my own, but I don't talk about them online. I may share via blog occasionally, but I feel like that's a better outlet than an easily misunderstood snippet via Instagram or Facebook. I'm already in regular outside contact with people I care about. I don't need multiple apps on my phone to help me check in with (or check up on) friends and acquaintances, and I especially don't need them to help me check up on people with whom I have absolutely no relationship.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating for deleting social media accounts simply so there's no accountability for keeping in touch with actual friends and family members. As I said, people with whom I have a true relationship, I have all their contact info and we regularly check in with each other. If social media isn't benefitting you, delete the social media - don't delete the people out of your life. That's not what I'm saying at all. This isn't about cutting out "toxic people" or however that phrase goes. 

Instead, it's about choosing to shift focus away from something that doesn't edify my mind or spirit, and instead focus more intently on things that do. More intentional time with my family. More time reading the Bible. More time building relationships with friends and family. More time reading books instead of scrolling through feeds. More time...blogging? (We'll see about that one.) It's just too easy to start checking social media apps hundreds of times a day, hoping for a distraction from the things of life that aren't so fun or interesting. 

So, for now, I've said goodbye to both Instagram and Facebook. I don't know if I'll be back this time or not. Maybe. Time will tell. But it won't be for a long while, at least. There are at least two or three times a day I almost grab my phone simply to check in with those two apps and then I remember they're no longer there.

It's actually been quite refreshing.

Life Lately #22

I swore when I started blogging again that I wasn't going to get into the rut of "Life Lately" posts again. But, here we are again. I just don't have anything terribly exciting (or tragic) to share, and this seems to be the easiest way to share a bunch of hodge-podge topics all at once without seeming too ridiculously disjointed. I don't have a picture for this post because all the photos I've taken recently have my childrens' faces in them, so enjoy this purely black and white Lately post.

Reading: I literally just finished Brave New World by Aldous Huxley last night. It was...weird. The beginning was interesting and bizarre because of the dystopian premise, the middle was a total slog to get through (I skimmed a lot) and the last chapter or two was kind of what I expected the rest of the book to be like, and it was better. I would probably recommend it just because it's been said to be the antithesis to Orwell's 1984, and I would agree with that assessment. I'll just warn you that it's not exactly an easy or enjoyable read. Winston (1984) is at least a somewhat sympathetic character. There just isn't one in Brave New World. I hated everyone. Maybe that's the point.

Watching: The new season of The Masked Singer on Hulu. It's enjoyable if you like listening to masked celebrities sing so you can try and guess who they are, based on a bunch of clues they give throughout the season. Just once, though, I want a complete stranger to be inside the costume when they take it off at elimination and reveal who they are. I just want to see the confusion on the judges' faces when they're like, "...and who are you???" 

Listening to: This Spotify playlist. It's maintained by Redeemer Bible Church in AZ (Costi Hinn's church, if you know who that is) and I really like it. Takes the work out of putting my own "God music" (Imogen's term for worship music) playlists together. If you can call it "work." 

Baking: These lemon rolls this weekend. Isaiah has a coworker who is retiring so they're having a retirement party. It gives me an excuse to bake and not have to eat. As a friend asked me recently, "Is baking your stress release?" Yes. One hundred percent, yes.

Wishing: That the internet at large would be a little more sensitive toward moms who stay at home with their kids with no help from family or friends and who haven't had a solo date with their husband in over two years. (Me. That mom is me.) I've honestly thought about writing a whole blog post on this topic before, but I can't think of a way to express myself that doesn't come across as angry and jealous. I mean, I might be a little jealous (working on it!) but I'm not angry. I'm just sad, and frustrated. I'll leave it at that for now, because one of these days I just might get angsty enough to write that post. It's not just everyone else's monthly date nights and childless weekend getaways that get to me, it's feeling alone in motherhood in general. And I know some people have it even worse than we do - though I don't see how it gets worse than literally never getting a solo date with your husband, ever - but I'm sure it's possible. 

Thankful: That Kilian is getting better all the time at communication. We still have our typical early-toddler struggles, like crying in the car because he's hungry and doesn't understand why he can't eat now, instead of five minutes from now when we get home, but it's getting better all the time. He's starting to put two words together fairly consistently, and it's so fun. "Mommy come" and "Sissy play" and things of that nature. Now, if only he would get better at eating. He is absolutely not the adventurous eater that his sister was, and still is. That girl will try just about anything once, and insists that she is "the only girl in the world who loves spicy food." Kilian won't even put something in his mouth if he doesn't already know that he likes it. Makes for some super fun family dinners. Not.

Laughing at: The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shrimp-Gate saga. If you haven't seen this, it is both completely disgusting and utterly hilarious. You just can't do any better than Jensen Karp, married to Danielle Fishel, finding shrimp tails in his cereal box (get it?). I'm dying to see what comes of this.

Life Lately #21

Reading: The Good People by Hannah Kent. I just finished her other novel, Burial Rites, and was completely riveted the entire time. It wasn't a happy story by any means. It was actually quite tragic (and loosely based on real events), but her writing style completely sucked me in. The Good People doesn't have quite as good of ratings on Goodreads, but as they say, I'll be the judge of that!

Watching: Nothing at the moment. Any recommendations? I adore true crime, but I haven't found anything worth delving into recently. I guess there are always old episodes of Homicide Hunter on Hulu...

Listening to: At this very moment, the audiobook of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I told you...it's mostly kid stuff around here. Later, sans kids, there's an Allie Stuckey podcast I've been meaning to listen to. But most of the day, if I try and listen to anything that isn't geared toward children, I get an indignant "I don't WANT to listen to this!!" from my lovely oldest child. I would force the issue and make her listen to a podcast with me, but she's 3 1/2. The incessant questions would just drive me insane. I can hear it now. "Mom, what's critical race theory?" She's already asked me recently how babies get out of tummies and I am for sure putting that off as long as possible. 

Baking: Norwegian sweet buns! Yesterday, I had a random urge to make something from Norway. I am 6% Norwegian, after all, and I felt like getting in touch with my roots (lol). Enter Google and a recipe for skolebrod, or skoleboller (literally "school bread"). They turned out pretty good! They're a lightly-spiced (cardamom) sweet bun with a vanilla custard center and a lemon glaze on top. I didn't have shredded coconut on hand and I'd make a few tweaks next time, but I'd definitely make these again. 

Missing: My macrame projects. I've been on about a two year hiatus thanks to moving, having a baby, and now not really having anywhere to do it. In our house in Alaska, Isaiah kinda jerry-rigged a way for me to make things hanging from hooks and a dowel in the doorway between our kitchen and living room. But since we are currently renting, we can't really do anything like that, and there isn't a good place for that in this house anyway. I have seen a ton of people use clothing racks but that means I'd have to buy one and I just don't want to spend money on that. My other problem is what to do with projects once I make them. I don't have a great place to sell them - Etsy is far too saturated these days. In Sitka, I was doing craft fairs, and that was a ton of fun. I noticed that there was a farmer's market/craft fair one town over from us last year, but they were only allowing vendors selling either food, or Covid-related items (handmade soaps, hand sanitizer, masks, etc). I have no clue what the situation is going to be this year. Besides, I'd have to figure out Washington state business license rules, tax laws, etc. and I just don't have the time or energy to do that right now. 

Laughing at: and also shocked and appalled at how quickly toddlers go from cute and loveable to sassy and snotty. I used to chuckle at the term "threenager" because, ha, three year olds are not thirteen year olds, how silly! But oh my goodness. Suddenly my lovely daughter has learned how to make a scoffing noise with her throat, roll her eyes, and say things like "leave me alone." I am not joking when I say she did not learn these things from me, and we are pretty careful about what we let her watch on television. Needless to say, if I got paid for the number of times I said "That is not kind, try again," in a day I could probably claim an income on next year's tax returns.

Wishing: That it didn't get so cold at night still! It's been getting up into the 50s during the day, which is amazing, but it's still right around freezing at night. It's not a big deal, it just means the ground stays wet pretty much 24/7 which is annoying when you have little kids that want to go outside and play in the sun, but you don't feel like dealing with the soggy mess 45 minutes later when they want to come back inside because they're "bored."

Wanting: A krumkake iron. I told you I'm getting into all things Norwegian! I'm even loosely attempting to learn the language. 

Life Lately #20

Reading: The Lovely War by Julie Berry. I'm about 1/3 done with it and so far I'm really liking it. It's from the POV of Greek gods and goddesses, which is...interesting? I don't hate it, can't say I looooove it, but it's different from anything I've read before and the actual main storyline has definitely sucked me in. I know WWI/WWII fiction is still super popular these days, but I'm a diehard fan and I'll probably never change. I will say that having a library card has kinda forced me to do more reading. It's that 3-week return deadline...it does wonders for making me actually finish books. Imagine that.

Watching: Expedition Bigfoot on the Discovery+ channel. We did a free 7-day trial, planned to binge both seasons over the course of a week, didn't quite make it, and now we've paid for the next month. I am completely obsessed with anything Sasquatch. Are you a believer?? 

Listening to: All the kid music. Occasionally we listen to "grown-up music" (as Imogen calls it) but mainly just in the car. I have a hard time letting them listen to anything with grown-up themes. It's a personal thing. So, in our house...it's "God music" (again, an Imogen term), classical, or kid music on the Echo Dot. All day, every day. The Rizers, Ellie Holcomb, the "Hymns" albums by Shane and Shane, Raffi, the Frozen 2 soundtrack (eyeroll), and so on.

Smelling: I am absolutely not a woo-woo essential oils person, but I have been diffusing my Tension Relief blend from Plant Therapy (best non-MLM brand I've ever used) a lot lately. Peppermint, eucalyptus, rosemary, spearmint, lavender, a few others...I've been having a lot of headaches lately and it's been somewhat helpful. 

Loving: That it's almost March, and March means spring, and spring means summer is on its way. I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. But I am so ready for after-dinner walks in the sun, a non-soggy backyard to play in, beach days, and for it not to take 20 minutes to get the kids ready to go anywhere because layers are a must. 

Happy: That the indoor playground I mentioned previously is finally open again!! They've been shut down for the last year, and if I had a dollar for every time Imogen asked to go back, I could probably buy the place. We were finally able to surprise her with a trip there last Saturday, and she was so happy. Actually, her first statement when she realized where we were was, "It's the place where Blippi went!!" (Funtastic Playtorium, if any of you have seen that episode.) It was extra fun this time, too, because Kilian was able to run around and play and didn't just sleep in the stroller the majority of the time. It's not exactly a cheap place to take the kids, but it's nice to have the option on rainy weekends. Now, I just need the local McDonald's Playspace to open back up so we have a free option. 

Wanting: A compost bin. Is that weird? Occasionally I look at all the produce waste we throw in the trash and I think to myself, "That could be some great dirt for my plants if I only had a way to compost it..." I found this fairly small, compact, rotating one on Amazon and I asked for it for Christmas, but apparently nobody in my family thought that made a fun gift. I can't blame them. Merry Christmas, here's somewhere new to throw your banana peels and apple cores. 

Laughing at: THIS. I cried, I was laughing so hard. You cannot even tell me that if Trump said even half of what Biden says about black people, he wouldn't be excoriated in the media.

Snow and Library Cards and Kids Who Grow Up Way Too Fast

When did blogs start needing to have a "theme" or specific topic for each post? It's something that just occurred to me. I can understand if you have a topical blog in general (mommy blogs, cooking blogs, etc) but for a personal blog? I find myself getting hung up on the idea that each post I write needs to be about one thing in particular, otherwise it's no good. But, quite honestly, some of my favorite posts to read from others are the ones that are completely random and about more than one thing. I feel like I'm actually getting to know the writer that way! 

We registered Imogen for preschool yesterday. HOLD ME. It's still 6 months off, but I feel like I'm sending her to college this very weekend or something. How on earth do we have a daughter pushing four years old? FOUR. It feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago. She won't be four until July, but she acts fourteen, so I have no idea what to expect this fall. She is smart and silly and clever and the best big sister Kilian could have, and I can't wait to watch her blossom in a class of peers. If you'd asked me a year or two ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of preschool. Kids don't need to go to preschool, after all. She can learn just as much by playing with her brother and following our house rules and doing pre-K aged workbooks with me here at home. But then 2020 happened, and all my grandiose ideas of a ballet or gymnastics class or mom-and-me-playdates shriveled to dust, and preschool started sounding like not too bad of an idea. The girl needs some little friends in her life and I'm hoping she'll have those in spades starting in September. 

I am nervous, though. I'm nervous she'll be scared. I'm worried for the day she comes home with hurt feelings because another kid was mean to her. I'm nervous that the next four years will go as fast as the last four and she'll suddenly be in 3rd grade and then high school and then college and okay, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

It'll be good for her. Deep breaths. We have chosen not to tell her about it until after her birthday, though. One day she's excited about the idea of school "someday", and the next day she's in tears because she doesn't want to go to school and she doesn't want a teacher and she doesn't want friends and she just wants "to stay home with youuuuuuuu!" We figured there's no sense in making her worry all summer long, and hopefully, by the time her birthday rolls around, she'll be more accepting of the idea. It'll still give us two months or so to prep her. If anyone has any great suggestions for age-appropriate books to introduce the idea of school (and how fun it is!) to a 3.5 year old, I'm all ears.

Speaking of books, I finally got a library card! I don't know why I went years without one, considering they're free and all, but now that the kids are getting a little older and we're running out of bookshelf space, it was time. Also, I can download Kindle books from the library which has been amazing. Our local library is still closed (eyeroll), but the minute it reopens I want to take the kids there. The last time we were in a library was in Sitka. Imogen wasn't even 2 years old yet, and she cared exactly zero percent about the books and only wanted to play with the giant floor puzzles and blocks in the kids' area. I'm excited to let her pick out a few books to bring home and read. Someday soon, I hope.

It snowed here this last weekend, so the kids finally got to go outside and build a snowman. According to Imogen, the snow is "beauuuuuuutifulllllll!!!" It lasted for a couple days, just long enough for our garbage service to decide our neighborhood was too treacherous (despite almost no snow on the roads by Monday morning) to pick up our trash and recycling, and it's almost all gone now. I'm not complaining. The preschool registrar said, "You moved from Alaska and then it snowed for you!" and I had to resist the urge to be like "Yeah...talk to me when the snow is 2 feet deep and lasts for two months and you live on a hill where the ice basically doesn't melt all winter long and oh, by the way, garbage trucks and school buses still run and if you call into work and say you can't make it because of snow you'll be endlessly mocked..." But I didn't. I just chuckled and said, "Yep, it's pretty great!" I think she missed the part where I said we moved a year and a half ago, too, because this is not the first snow we've seen here. 

Have any of you with small kids seen the Netflix show Trash Truck? It is so cute. It's low-key and adorable and wholesome and just a delight. I don't mind high-energy, crazy shows on occasion because the kids like them, but I'm so thankful that they've both latched onto a show that doesn't have psychedelic colors flashing constantly and cartoon animals screaming and constant ear-splitting background music. Trash Truck is about a little boy named Hank, his best friends Miss Mona the mouse, Walter the bear, and Donnie the raccoon, and of course - Trash Truck himself. His sister Olive and his parents (a mom and dad!) make occasional appearances, as does his grandpa. I just cannot say enough good things about it. Check it out if you haven't already! Just be prepared to watch the same 10 (?) episodes over and over and over and over. Crossing all my fingers for a season 2 sooner rather than later.

I'm definitely adding "Survived the Pandemic of 2020-?? as a SAHM" to my future resume.

You guys, sooooooo many people have messaged me, emailed me, texted me, carrier pigeon-ed me, telegrammed me, and Tweeted me asking for my take on stay-at-home-mom life in the midst of a global pandemic! Who would I be if I didn't oblige? Not any decent kind of blogger-influencer, that's for sure.

The first thing that comes to mind is that not much has changed because I was already used to staying home all day, every day with two children. But if I really think about it, things have actually changed.

I used to dream of the day Kilian dropped down to at least two naps, and especially one nap, so both kids would be awake longer and we could get out and do more things during the day. Well, that day came and went, and guess what? 

Indoor playgrounds are closed.

The zoo was closed for the majority of last summer. It's open now, but timed/limited entry only. And it's winter.

Restaurants just last week opened indoor seating back up, but only at 25% capacity. So much for going to the McDonald's or Chick-fil-a play spaces on rainy days.

Even the kids' play space at the nearest mall is roped off  (and don't get me started on the take-out only food court, because I know I always go to the mall to get take-out food...).

Outdoor parks are open, but it's the cold+rainy season.

Last spring, I had grand thoughts of perhaps putting Imogen in a gymnastics or ballet class in the fall. I had daydreams of meeting other moms with kids of similar ages, and perhaps striking up a few friendships here or there, maybe even attending a few - gasp - playdates? 

None of that happened. In-person everything is, was, has been shut down basically since this whole thing started. 

15 days to flatten the curve though, or something.

I don't mean to complain, but it's been tough. Most people who work are back at their jobs, albeit with precautions in place. Adult interaction! Leaving the house with somewhere to go other than walk around Walmart or Fred Meyer for the hundredth time! But where does that leave stay-at-home-moms in states that are still locked down? Well, we are...still locked down. We live and sleep where we work and our co-workers aren't much help around the house, nor do they provide many opportunities for stimulating conversation. At least we don't have to wear masks at home, I suppose.

To clarify, at no point in reading this do I want anyone to think I want to be anything BUT a stay-at-home mom. I truly feel for moms who wish they could stay home instead of work, and I simultaneously cannot fully relate to moms who have absolutely no desire to stay home with their kids. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I just imagined that it would look a little different at times. 

It's a struggle a lot of us deal with most of the time, but it's definitely been exacerbated by the events of the past year. I think sometimes people have this view of moms who stay home that isn't exactly based in reality. Many gifted writers have come before me and fully explained the emotional and spiritual trials of a life spent keeping a house and raising children, so I won't rehash it here. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. But the loneliness is real, and even more so when your "community" is nonexistent, whether by choice or by force.

I do have a lot to be thankful for, though. We are blessed to be able to survive (in the Seattle area, no less) on one salary. Everyone is and has been completely healthy. The kids are growing like weeds, and Imogen starts preschool in the fall (sob). We have a roof over our heads and food in the refrigerator. 

I also realize that some moms have/had it harder than I do. Admittedly, I occasionally have to swallow the urge to roll my eyes at moms who are used to working and suddenly have to - gasp - deal with their own children all day, every day, but I know that's unkind. My reality is not everyone else's reality, and I think comparison is never helpful. It can provide some perspective, but it doesn't tell you everything about a person or their struggles. I truly don't know how I would handle it if I had a full time job and school-aged kids and I suddenly had to figure out how to both homeschool and keep up my work-related duties. All the coffee and chocolate and hugs to those moms.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this post anymore. Maybe I just want other moms to know they're not alone? I know that, despite my desire for in-person friendships, I am beyond grateful for a couple of long-distance mom friends who help keep me sane via copious amounts of text messages, basically every single day.  

As far as survival goes, aside from the aforementioned long-distance friends, I've been spending a lot of time reading blogs and posts and books from other moms who "get it". They understand the often-crushing loneliness, the monotony even in the midst of barely getting a moment to yourself, the emotional dichotomy of wishing you could be anywhere other than at home while knowing deep down that there's nothing anyone could offer to make you leave.

So, I guess if I (the non-expert that I am) were to offer one piece of advice, that's it. Find others who understand your situation, whatever that may be. If they're offering advice from a Biblical perspective, even better. Because Jesus understands more than anyone else ever will.

And may this all be over sooner rather than later.

P.S. I'm realizing that I do better, longer, as a blogger if I stick to just rambling when I feel like rambling. I used to ramble, feel self-conscious, delete it all, and then do a "Currently" post to fill the void. I still love those types of posts and I fully intend on doing them occasionally, but I also want to write my real thoughts and feelings without feeling terribly awkward. If that's not your cup of tea, I do apologize. If you keep reading, I do apologize. Just kidding. But thanks for sticking around. 

God's Not Dead, and Neither Am I

Wow. Just WOW, guys. Technically, it's only been about two and a half years since I last wrote in this blog, but man, it feels more like two and a half decades. I can't believe my last post was spent writing about things like transitioning Imogen to one nap (Spoiler: We did it at 13.5 months and it went as smoothly as I could have hoped!) and the cost of gym memberships in Sitka. 

It's been a long time, and a LOT has happened since July of 2018. It's kind of funny, I was looking over one of my old posts and I had written about how it felt like July was the month where something exciting always happened. In July of 2016, we traveled to Iceland. July 2017, we had Imogen. July 2018, we took an amazing and memorable trip to Mt. Rainier. 

July 2019...we moved back to Washington. I guess we broke the streak last year, though, because nothing terribly exciting happened in July 2020 except Imogen turned 13 (ahem, THREE). Maybe we'll make up for it this year.

Have I told you yet that we moved back to Washington? HOO-BOY, that was an adventure and a half. I could write for days about that situation, but long story short, we left Alaska the weekend after Imogen's 2nd birthday, ended up not getting any of our belongings from the moving company delivered until A MONTH later, so the one week we were supposed to stay with my mom turned into four, we finally moved into our rental on August 8th, I went into labor on August 9th, and August 11th we had another baby. 

Oh yeah, did I mention we moved when I was 35 weeks pregnant with our son? 

So, now we live in Washington, we have 3 1/2 year old Imogen and 1 1/2 year old Kilian, Isaiah is working for the county, I'm killing it (lolz) doing my CEO of Domestic Affairs gig (aka SAHM), and aside from the now year-long, never-ending "pandemic" and some other hiccups here and there, life has been fairly peachy! 

Who knows how long I'll keep this up this time around, but now that the kids are slightly more independent and I have a little bit more free time (like, at naptime) I thought maybe I'd try my hand at blogging again. I feel like I'm reconnecting with an estranged friend - excited, but slightly apprehensive; a little giddy, but also wondering if this will be for the long haul or if we'll both make tentative plans to hang out but never actually find the time, and the next thing you know it's been another few years and we're basically strangers again. 

In the meantime, tell me what I should write about next! The move to Washington? Surprise, we have another kid now? All about life with two toddlers and how one of them is *sob* going to preschool this fall? Secrets of not losing your mind as a stay at home mom? None of the above?

If you're new here, welcome to probably one of the most boring, random blogs you'll ever read. It's nice to meet you. If you've been here before, welcome back to probably one of the most boring, random blogs you'll ever read. I missed you.