On Social Media, or the Lack Thereof

I deleted Instagram the other day. Well, I didn't delete it, but I deactivated my account and deleted the app from my phone. For anyone who has known me for a long time, this isn't a new phenomenon. I've been known to be very fairweather friend-ish with my social media accounts, and even this blog. I've probably deactivated/reactivated my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at least 3-4 times each. I've had at least five different blogs - with different titles - that I can think of off the top of my head, spanning a decade and a half. Generally, something will happen that frustrates me or otherwise annoys me, and I'll swear off any and all forms of internet social contact for a while. It's never been a thought-out, intentional act of defiance, more like...what am I even getting out of this, anyway? Meh. Bye.

My philosophy with social media is this: If it isn't benefitting you in some way, or otherwise enriching your life, then say goodbye to it. I deactivated/deleted Facebook (again) a while back for the same reason, and I haven't gone back. There were a few things that were helpful, like access to Marketplace for selling outgrown baby goods or a couple different groups I was in that were fun to peruse and contribute a comment to here or there, but overall, it was just a big source of stress.

Family members who don't care to actually have a relationship aside from occasionally "liking" a photo of my kids - or worse, intentionally ignoring them. Friend requests from people who weren't even really true acquaintances over a decade ago, just family members of classmates I never actually hung out with outside of required college functions. Mom groups full of photos of rashes and fights over things like organic vs. not or whose mother-in-law is the worst. Christian groups that are decidedly not very Christ-like, third-party-app-specific groups meant more for those who are drama-hungry than people actually seeking help for how to use the app, and so on and so forth. 

I wasn't getting anything out of it anymore. Anyone I care to stay in contact with, I already have their email addresses and phone numbers. I'll find another way to sell Kilian's outgrown infant car seat. 

Instagram started to feel the exact same way recently. I'm usually not the type of person to be insanely jealous of those who own homes and have money to remodel them (that'll be me again someday, just not today). I don't look at a perfectly curated photostream and compare my own life to filtered photos of just-cleaned gigantic living rooms and five acre perfectly mowed lawns and pristinely dressed children because I know that probably lasted about 4 minutes before the kids were fighting and someone spilled juice on themselves and mom lost her temper with the four-year-old and the dog barfed on the carpet for the third time that day. I am envious of, but not (too) discouraged by photos of women who bounced back to a size 4 after their fifth pregnancy. I don't begrudge married couples with kids who have an army of friends and family at their disposal so they can post monthly sans-children date-night photos - I'm envious and it makes me sometimes sad, but it doesn't anger me.

I don't have a terribly hard time keeping things in perspective, let's just say. I don't say that to brag about my emotional fortitude - just that my struggles are not anyone else's struggles, and theirs are not mine. And that's okay. There are other things about social media that do frustrate me, it's just in other ways than jealousy.

Also, people who are not actual, real-life friends likely don't refresh their feed three times a day hoping to see yet another photo of my children. People who don't know me don't care about my story feed where I'm baking another loaf of bread or posting another funny-probably-only-to-me meme. And, if I'm being completely and transparently honest...the same goes both ways. I love that my online acquaintances have kids, but I don't need to see three photos of them a day. I love that someone I met via blogging five years ago moved into a new house, but I never talk to them outside a photo "like" here or there and I have no personal investment in their renovation projects. It starts to feel like I'm spying on people and being spied upon, even though I know it's all completely voluntary. 

(Just to clarify, none of the above examples are referencing a single person in particular - they're just general examples of things that have crossed my mind. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.)

I don't tend to be an oversharer. I have struggles and things that upset me and family situations of my own, but I don't talk about them online. I may share via blog occasionally, but I feel like that's a better outlet than an easily misunderstood snippet via Instagram or Facebook. I'm already in regular outside contact with people I care about. I don't need multiple apps on my phone to help me check in with (or check up on) friends and acquaintances, and I especially don't need them to help me check up on people with whom I have absolutely no relationship.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating for deleting social media accounts simply so there's no accountability for keeping in touch with actual friends and family members. As I said, people with whom I have a true relationship, I have all their contact info and we regularly check in with each other. If social media isn't benefitting you, delete the social media - don't delete the people out of your life. That's not what I'm saying at all. This isn't about cutting out "toxic people" or however that phrase goes. 

Instead, it's about choosing to shift focus away from something that doesn't edify my mind or spirit, and instead focus more intently on things that do. More intentional time with my family. More time reading the Bible. More time building relationships with friends and family. More time reading books instead of scrolling through feeds. More time...blogging? (We'll see about that one.) It's just too easy to start checking social media apps hundreds of times a day, hoping for a distraction from the things of life that aren't so fun or interesting. 

So, for now, I've said goodbye to both Instagram and Facebook. I don't know if I'll be back this time or not. Maybe. Time will tell. But it won't be for a long while, at least. There are at least two or three times a day I almost grab my phone simply to check in with those two apps and then I remember they're no longer there.

It's actually been quite refreshing.